Guy's super-duper weblog

Frothing madness on the ID card frothing madness

2006-07-20T17:09:00.000+01:00

Yes, it's quite possible that I am a little over-obsessed, somehow, with the ID card issue presently concerning almost no-one in the UK. But it's really serious, honest! Please read the following reasonably well-reasoned reasoned diatribe to persuade yourself of its Evilness(R), written by the Good Guys from no2id.

DOOMED, DUMPED, OR BUSINESS AS USUAL?

You may well have seen reports suggesting that the Home Office ID programme is in trouble. A series of e-mails leaked to the Sunday Times [1] from OGC (the Office of Government Commerce, part of the Treasury) and UKIPS (the new Identity & Passport Service) revealed that senior civil servants believe the project to be yet another fiasco in the making.
Government spin has been predictable, first claiming that the ID scheme was 'under review', then "broadly on track", and now proceeding "at the same pace" [2].
So what is fact and what is fantasy?
FACT: the ID scheme that the government has been selling for the last two years or more is a lie. With no clearly-expressed goal or justification, 'feature creep' almost every time ministers opened their mouths, and a complete unwillingness to listen to real experts in the field, the Home Office has lumbered itself with something impossibly complex, horrendously expensive, and utterly unworkable.
FACT: they passed the Act anyway, spending tens of millions in the process. The biggest threat to everyone's civil liberties is leaving a law on the statute books which permits compulsory registration, lifelong surveillance and population control by ID. But we also risk seeing billions of pounds of taxpayers' money (which could be far better spent elsewhere) being thrown away in pursuit of this authoritarian delusion. Even worse, a botched attempt could expose all our most personal information - leaving some with no control over their private lives or identities for the rest of their lives.
FACT: the government will proceed regardless. This programme has been politically driven from the outset and will remain so. Blair can't afford a U-turn, and the ID programme (or more accurately, the National Identity Register) is at the heart of government strategy [3]. The bureaucrats would love for us to all be neatly numbered, so our data can be shared ever more 'efficiently' - and the suppliers still stand to make billions, whether they deliver or fail.
The danger from the ID scheme is greater than ever.
Now the government is looking at issuing cut-down 'early variant' ID cards that would 'protect' your identity with nothing more than a four-digit PIN. A gift to fraudsters. The government will still fingerprint, iris scan, background check and interrogate you for a passport - but then simply store all your data in their database. No 'benefits' or services for the public. Just all the costs, risks and intrusion.
We have to redouble our efforts. It is more important than ever that we get the message out to a public that may think 'ID cards' are off the agenda. Street stalls, leafleting - even going door-to-door. Now is the time to wake people up to the real and present danger of the ID scheme.
If you can't spare the time to get involved with a local group, or even set one up (send a mail to local.groups@no2id.net for more info) then please help support those who are fighting hard on your behalf. Join the campaign at http://www.no2id.net/getInvolved/join.php - it's just £15 per year - or send a donation.
The battle continues...
References:
[1] http://www.timesonline.co.uk/article/0,,2087-2262437_1,00.html
[2] http://www.guardian.co.uk/uklatest/story/0,,-5954404,00.html
[3] http://www.cio.gov.uk/transformational_government/strategy/

When it's that obvious, one has to wonder what the fuss is about.

Some useful information for once, that isn't really that useful

2006-07-19T17:59:00.000+01:00

Surely the prospect of listening to what our respective world leaders chat about between gravely serious and puffy declarations wrinkles your forehead with its sheer brilliance, its sheer lunacy, its sheer honesty for Damn's sake? Then a transcript of what Current American President the Rightly Honourable George Bush Jr. was caught fumbulating on during the recent (at the time of writing, no warranty implied) G8 summit while the microphone was left on should leave you in paroxysmal delight, right? Then click on the bloody link and stop bothering me already. The best bit follows (no objectivity implied, but I'm always right so it shouldn't concern you):

The camera is focused elsewhere and it is not clear whom Bush is talking to, but possibly Chinese President Hu Jintao, a guest at the summit.
Bush : Gotta go home. Got something to do tonight. Go to the airport, get on the airplane and go home. How about you? Where are you going? Home?
Bush : This is your neighborhood. It doesn't take you long to get home. How long does it take you to get home?
Reply is inaudible.
Bush : "Eight hours? Me too. Russia's a big country and you're a big country."
At this point, the president seems to bring someone else into the conversation.
Bush : It takes him eight hours to fly home.
He turns his attention to a server.
Bush : No, Diet Coke, Diet Coke.
He turns back to whomever he was talking with.
Bush : It takes him eight hours to fly home. Eight hours. Russia's big and so is China.

I'm so glad I voted for him. When can we stop kow-towing to these mere humans already, please? I'm starting to become really bored of taking them seriously. Can something be done about it within 28 days? [Source for some postal things: The Washington Post. How appropriate.]

An important announcement

2006-04-19T18:07:00.000+01:00

Oy! Calling all UK citizens: RENEW YOUR PASSPORT NOW! I'm hardly a political activist, but this is so obviously and justifiably scary that I just have to do something about it, even if it's not much. According the UK Passport Authority itself, from October everyone who applies for a new passport will have to be interviewed, and it implies that biometric characteristics will also be collected. Oh, and it'll reportedly cost about £90 for the privilege, instead of the current £51 for a more convenient and less intrusive service, which is still too much. The stupidity and pointlessness of it is the most scary part. Alas that government should be run so clumsily in what is supposed to be a most "developed" nation. Alas.

Interesting stuff, honest

2006-04-18T23:57:00.000+01:00

What with all the Sino-bashing going on around the world (except, strangely, in China... maybe it's not a masochistic sort of place, on aggregate, though it has more of a claim to being machoistic, so don't confuse the two terms, kids!), with a prominent example [if only due to the power of the people involved rather than any inherent truth-value or insight, but that's the nature of the human life it seems, and you really should try to get used to it if you haven't already] being the obsession of American politicians with the dollar-yuan exchange rate, the following fact might be particular interesting, short-attention-span readers of mine. This fact is the answer to a question, so in keeping with convention and tradition, I'll write the question first. You'll find out the fact eventually. Question: What is "(American) dollar" in Chinese? Answer: In Chinese characters: 美元; romanized: mei yuan. Highly interesting, right? What?! How can you disagree? Oh right, you don't know any Chinese. [If you do know enough Chinese to understand, you have no excuse, obviously]. It's interesting, I would argue, because "yuan" is the name of the Chinese currency of the moment, and "mei" means... beautiful. Isn't that sweet? So the US dollar is called the "beautiful currency", sort of. I'm sure this choice stems from a desire to suck up, but I dare not consider any further. Or maybe it's heavy irony. Hmm. Either way, interesting, as I said earlier, you skeptic. This is all proven here (to your low standards of proof, anyhow, which on this occasion is good enough for me). What's "concise" in Chinese, you ask? I have no clue. In every sense of the phrase (in English). Ha.

"Terror fear over Clash fan's song" -- excellent headline, Beeb!

2006-04-08T01:03:00.000+01:00

From BBC NEWS Online: Terror fear over Clash fan's song

"Harraj Mann, 23, asked a taxi driver to play The Clash's London Calling through the vehicle's stereo. But the cabbie rang police after he heard the song which includes the line: 'War is declared and battle come down'. Police said Mr Mann, from Hartlepool, was released without charge after his arrest on board a Bmi plane at Durham Tees Valley Airport."
Durham Police said a security check revealed he did not pose a threat.
A spokeswoman also said that it was not just the music Mr Mann requested, but the "overall impression" he gave that aroused the taxi driver's suspicion.

I must leave the country while there is still a chance. But where? People have forgotten how important liberty is, including as a creator of wealth, and they will come to regret it one day. Me? I'm getting a passport as soon as possible so I don't have to pay £90 or so for one due to all the ID card nonsense. Fair enough, it's also because my current one is about to expire, but that's not the real reason. Honest guvnor. People don't arrest me. Argh!

Man flogs wife's box on eBay | The Register

2006-04-08T00:57:00.000+01:00

Ho ho ho: Man flogs wife's box on eBay | The Register Please come back soon for more intellectual titbits [unlikely to be meant literally, for the pseudo-intellectuals out there]. I agonise for weeks over important matters (or rather matters that make me feel worthy when I consider them, which is a superb definition of "important", in my humble yet utterly, infallibly correct opinion), and then post this trivial fluff-stuff. Bah. It is funny though, you gotta admit that.

Politicaying

2006-02-12T03:39:00.000Z

From Ha'aretz:

"In October 2000, Israel police killed 12 Arab citizens in disturbances that erupted in the wake of Sharon?s visit to the Temple Mount. Immediately the demand arose for a commission of inquiry. The left demanded a commission, the right bridled: What for? What is there to investigate? 'The prime minister is prepared to sacrifice the police on the altar of his survival,' said MK Silvan Shalom from the Likud. 'Toadies!' shouted MK Benny Elon from the National Union at members of the government who supported the establishment of a committee in the Knesset plenum. 'You are spineless!' 'What do you want from the police?' cried MK Uzi Landau of the Likud. 'It stood in the breech to protect the rule of law.' MK Landau announced he would propose a law that would prohibit commissions of inquiry from submitting findings against individuals, but only 'recommendations for improving the system.' MK Zvi Hendel from the National Union said he was ashamed: 'Instead of giving the police a medal, the Knesset is spitting in their face.' And MK Zevulun Orlev of the National Religious Party expressed real concern about the continued functioning of the police in such conditions: 'The police are liable to feel castrated and will be afraid to grapple with manifestations of nationalist violence in the future.' Philosophers from the right published sharp articles in the newspapers. What will happen, asked one of them, if, heaven forbid, the next time riots break out the police will be afraid to use force and 12 of them get killed? What will we say then to their families? The head of Meretz at the time, Yossi Sarid, welcomed the establishment of the commission. "It is too bad the government had to be dragged into this and did not initiate and lead," he said. The Arabs welcomed it. Yossi Beilin and Matan Vilnai, who were Labor ministers at the time, warmly supported the commission of inquiry. The point of this reminder does not need to be stated, because it is so clear and obvious. But anyway: Five years and a bit have gone by. Governments have come and gone. Ministers became Knesset members and Knesset members became ministers, but the hypocrisy and the double standards that characterize the politicians have not passed from the world with the strong wind that blew here yesterday. This week, in the Knesset plenum, the Kadima, Labor, Meretz and Arab factions voted against the establishment of a parliamentary (not even state) commission of inquiry to investigate the events at Amona. The right, headed by the Likud, voted in favor. The arguments and the justifications were absolutely identical to what was heard in the plenum in November, 2000, but the advocates and the opponents had traded roles. They had their say with the same fervor and with the same profound inner conviction that the minutes tolerate everything, and so does the microphone.

The details are unimportant, the conclusion all-important: don't trust politicians (or anyone with unaccountable power over you). How long will it take before people learn that and do something about it once and for all?

Target : Westie Dog Rainboot - Black

2006-01-29T00:57:00.000Z

"Cute, waterproof, comfortable - what more could a girl want?" Target : Westie Dog Rainboot - Black A husband to help her bring up Lewey, Dewey and Bobbeta?

Two decent articles from the BBC - shock and horror and pain

2006-01-08T14:50:00.000Z

What is going on with the BBC? They're coming out with at least two decent articles a week in the Magazine section of their Online News site. That's slightly more than even I manage! Two non-recent examples [why non-recent? Why do you think? Look up the term "lackadaisical" in your nearest and cheapest medical dictionary] really impressed me, to such an extent that I couldn't even talk about them immediately after reading them, or even a week later. No matter: no time like the present. [Invocation of a popular saying, never mind how self-serving, should always be accepted with a graceful "touché".] The first example of this duo is "Risky Business", a history of prophecies or predictions, depending on which epoch you are living in. It's written by a historian (David Cannadine), which probably explains much of why it's such an enjoyable and informative it, even if its length is disappointingly short. The piece climaxes (with good timing) by answering, or at least attempting to answer, the question "What is the point of even trying to predict the future?" The answer is very convincing:

This government, or any other, has to have a policy on motorways, on pensions and on global warming - all of them ultimately based on little more than educated guesses as to what might happen at some far off date when most of today's politicians will long since have vanished from the scene, and won't have to take responsibility for their decisions.

Very true, sir. How do you propose we proceed then?

The way to answer this is to use something that's called the Turnbull Matrix, named after the civil servant who invented it, to try to establish the balance between the likelihood of something unpleasant happening, and the impact if it did. A nuclear explosion, for instance, is relatively low likelihood (we hope), but very high impact (we fear), and there are many, many other permutations.

Turnbull Matrix? What the hell is that? According to this cursory description, it sounds like a basic implementation of Decision Theory, with the principle of taking actions that maximise expected utility under conditions of uncertainty. A google search, though, turns up only... seven results, the first of which is the BBC article, and the others are connected to someone called Brennan Wilcox. Very bizarre. Apart from this detail, I do recommend you read this incisive work. Have I hyped it up enough yet? The second example of the BBC actually publishing something educational and well-written involves the first example I've ever seen of proper maths on there. There's even a formula. All this just to answer the question "Do you get less wet if you run in the rain?". There's even an eminently understandable (to me, anyway) explanation of how to solve this problem systematically, by approximating in a very clear and justified way, and then, when the answer has been found from that, interpreting it in the light of the assumptions, and thus tweaking it. Brilliant. I'm going to watch out for more publications by the author, Nick Allen, who is a Master of Science in astrophysics and a fellow of the Royal Astronomical Society. An entrepreneur and inventor, he was also co-developer of MouseCage, a disability software www.mousecage.org. Nick continues to teach physics to advanced students at Valentine's High School, Ilford.
Lucky students. Enough already.

How to dodge stupid regulations, in one easy lesson

2006-01-05T01:15:00.000Z

Are you an industry man (or some other type of person), tired of having to follow rules put out by technocrats who hide behind the thinnest of claims of democratic legitimacy? Well, why not ignore them, and then adjust your actions just enough to claim you're following them?... You'd be following in the footsteps of the shoulders of giants. Case Study 1: Selling toothpaste So you're involved in the noble art of trying to get people to switch to yet another "best ever" variation of an essential lifestyle product, like toothpaste? Why not say that dentists recommend it? What do you mean, you're not allowed? Who says? Oh, the Advertising Standards Thingymajigy! Who?

From the ASA TV Code Section 8: MEDICINES, TREATMENTS, HEALTH CLAIMS AND NUTRITION

8.1.2 Impressions of professional advice and support

The following are not acceptable in advertisements for products or treatments within the remit of Section 8:

(a) presentations of doctors, dentists, veterinary surgeons, pharmaceutical chemists, nurses, midwives etc, which give the impression of professional advice or recommendations

(b) statements giving the impression of professional advice or recommendation by people who are presented, whether directly or by implication, as being qualified to give such advice or recommendation

Well, their English is beautiful and mysterious, so they must be important and all-knowing. Their utmost and paramount desire is to serve the people, all the people, and nothing but the (other) people. God Bless Them All.

But wait, what about the need to increase the profits on toothpastes this quarter? Dentist recommendations are the best, and possibly only way forward. How about...

Case study 1a: ...getting a dentist to recommend the general idea of the new product, cutting in a screenshot of the actual product, and then showing a happy (preferably attractive and female) citizen who claims to be using the product in the screenshot? Colgate thought of that one [give them an MBA!]:

A Colgate Palmolive TV advert for Colgate Sensitive showed a woman talking about her sensitive teeth and explaining that her dentist had suggested she try a sensitive toothpaste. At the same time a Colgate Sensitive toothpaste tube was shown. The woman said she had switched to Colgate Sensitive.

But darn it:

The ASA judged that the advert, made by Rainey Kelly Campbell Roalfe/Young & Rubicam, breached the spirit of rules, even though the advert did not depict a dentist nor show a recommendation for a specific product.

"Spirit of the rules"?! What's that when a lawyer's in the room? Not fair.

But wait! (Or continue to if you didn't stop waiting). They said "the advert did not yaka yada yaba". How about...

Case study 1b: ...getting a dentist to recommend the general idea of the new product, cutting in a screenshot of the actual product, and then showing a happy (preferably attractive and female) citizen who claims to be using the product in the screenshot? Except "then" in this case meaning "after four other commercials". GlaxoSmithKline thought of that one [two MBAs all round!]:

The two Sensodyne advertisements were screened in a single break. The first showed a dentist who stated that sensitive teeth were common problem and that patients could treat the problem by changing their toothpaste. The advert ended with a GlaxoSmithKline Consumer Healthcare logo. Four commercials later, a second commercial appeared showing a woman talking about her sensitive teeth. The woman visited her dentist and then changed her toothpaste to Sensodyne.

Were the ASA happy now? Of course not...

The ASA judged that the use of a dentist to recommend generic toothpastes for sensitive teeth breached the rules preventing a dentist in an advertisement from giving professional advice and recommending a treatment. It also judged that the combined impression left by the two adverts was a further breach.

But

GlaxoSmithKline argued that there was no evidence that viewers would link the messages in the two advertisements.

No buts:

The ASA concluded "almost certainly" many viewers would have seen both adverts and "were likely to link the dentist's advice about sensitive toothpaste closely with the promotion of Sensodyne".

Oh well. You almost did it. But wait! The point is that you managed to get your advertisements out there anyway, and even now people are galloping like zombies to upgrade to toothpastes for their sensitive, tender, loving, modern teeth. Good work soldier. [This service was brought to you by someone who has too much time on their giant shoulders.]

ECB: Educational

2006-01-02T04:05:00.000Z

Hey kids, did you ever wonder why those paper notes with the Queen's head / Lincoln's head / European bridges allow you to buy CDs, even though you actually download music illegally for free? Well now the European Central Bank, which controls your lives using psychokinesis and a flat yield curve, has the answer. It involves a purple monster, by the looks of it. All very teutonic. Those killjoys at the Mises Institute might think it's all nonsense, but then they don't argue their point of view in Estonian, or even Danish. They also don't make their material available exclusively in PDF form (because - oh yes kids! - this stuff will come to a school near you anyway very soon!). No, I didn't view the "eight-minute animated film". I'd rather eat 1.6 cigarettes. If you do it, though, tell me how it goes. Cheers! I should make this into a regular series, but I'm worried you won't like having the same link provided every month or whatever. Spoiltsports [sic].

From the heart of Staffs: Warning not to put fat down sink

2005-12-25T00:10:00.000Z

Goddamn, the water company must have too much time on its hands . (I sympathise). [Sorry about the rubbish paragraphing scheme, but I didn't choose it. My apology does not mean I am liable for any damage it might cause]:

Severn Trent is warning people not to pour turkey fat down the sink this Christmas as it could block drains, causing flooding and pollution.Its message for the festive period is to bag it and bin in.The company has to deal with 25,000 blockages every year with an increasing number over Christmas.Experts say another way of getting rid of fat, which would feed birds at the same time, is to mix it with nuts and seeds and hang it in the garden.

The last paragraph there, as well as being commendable for being longer than one line long, is notable for actual passing on a novel yet plausible fact. Write it down kids.

My job here is done. Merry Crimbo.

The Plain English Campaign's latest examples of some hideous travesties of the English language

2005-12-12T17:33:00.000Z

If we think ourselves competent in a language, it's very humbling to face sentences in that language that are correct in every way, and yet don't seem to have any discernible meaning. Unless it's "small print", in which case it's totally unsurprising, should you even have got yourself into the state of being faced with it. Assuming you're part of us. It's just the Way It (And The Rest of Life) Is. Saying that, maybe it is worth reading those minisculely-written passages, in case they're binding. You might come across physics-defying claims like this one [source: BBC News Online]:

"2. Australian Taxations Office for: 'For the purpose of making a declaration under this Subdivision, the Commissioner may: a) treat a particular event that actually happened as not having happened; and b) treat a particular event that did not actually happen as having happened and, if appropriate, treat the event as: i) having happened at a particular time; and ii) having involved particular action by a particular entity; and c) treat a particular event that actually happened as: i) having happened at a time different from the time it actually happened; or ii) having involved particular action by a particular entity (whether or not the event actually involved any action by that entity).' "

There's more where that came from, though they are a pretty poor selection this year. Depressing, should you have forgotten to take that Prozac or somesuch this morning. Do it now, and reset the computer. Ah, that's better.... Now you can exhale. Who told you an ellipsis is a good time to exhale? Bad. Bad reader. Don't come back.

An American in (Ye Olde) Hackney

2005-12-08T14:39:00.000Z

Americans and Cockneys don't mix so well:

"But the one thing that should trip up American audiences and make Layer Cake [a British gangster movie] a liability in the American market is language. We Americans are extremely particular about consonants. We chew the hell out of our Rs and hack out our Ks like we're trying to dislodge a windpipe obstruction. The Cockney and semi-Cockney characters in Layer Cake pronounce most of their consonants like, well, vowels. They all sound like they've just come from the dentist. The easiest guy to understand is the Serb. (When you see one of these Cockney crime films in a theaters, audience chatter tends to consist entirely of 'What'd he say?') But people watching on DVD can just rewind and listen again. Granted, half the time, listening again doesn't really help, but often it does, and just having the option makes you feel that this recondite mix of class and language - so crucial for these films' verisimilitude but so bloody confusing - is not totally beyond your control."

You just have to respect the apologetic tone of his admission.

Struck by spam

2005-11-24T15:40:00.000Z

The ingenuity humans show when the incentive is some money is always extraordinary to me. Today I got what is, to me, a very obvious spam email. The second paragraph had a link to some website selling unidentified products (the email just said

we got almost every item that anyx ch3 mist has. whether its E - D- that you i need or tram a doll, Value ims or even XX anan all is here.

Great, I'll have two of those.) But the last 75% or so of the email was made up of coherent English sentences, though there was no sense in the whole passage. I was fascinated as to how these were created. I googled a sectence at random. It was a hit, and its source was 1998 Conference Proceedings, though what conference I didn't check. The whole of the following paragraph was identical to that in the email:

"Mark at 27 months looked ?normal?. He came from a good family who provided lots of stimulation. Mark had one word--'ba' as in 'Ball.' Everything was 'ba.' After a few days of orientation in the classroom, I presented the computer. The first day he sat at the computer for 20 minutes and pressed the ball, bus, bee on the IntelliKeys keyboard over and over again. He then looked at me and pointed to the ball and said ?Ba? Then he pointed to the bee and said 'Be' and the Bus and said 'Bu.' I was astonished and his mother started to cry."

A few other paragraphs were also featured in the email, though in the email these were separated by paragraphs from another site. What I find most extraordinary is that people would go so far just to get past a filter. When it is received, how many people are going to be tempted by a messy email, unclear as to the products it's selling, and full of unrelated text? This should be found out, if only for curiosity's sake. Spam, and the fightback against it, is an exemplar of human ingenuity that I hope, if it has not been already, is studied and analysed thoroughly. I'd be a keen reader of the resultant report, for sure.

Jottings.com - 100 oldest dot com domains

2005-10-20T22:01:00.000+01:00

A simple link for local people: The 100 oldest dot com domains. The oldest three, from March to May 1985 (with no dot com domains being registered in June 1985, which seems amazing in the postfuture present) are symbolics.com, bbn.com, and think.com. These are now, respectively, judging purely from a cursory glance at their websites, a defunct but formerly innovative technology company, a boring but still functioning technology company, and an Oracle-sponsored free-sites-for-children-yay site. That's it. It's not Kafka, but you had that in the last post.

Neogooglelogism of the day or other convenient time period

2005-10-15T03:23:00.000+01:00

"Go forth and self-inebriate!" Google doesn't have any webpages in its index with this phrase. I'd like mine to be the first. Behold my ambition, and shudder.

Kafka - Away From Here

2005-10-15T01:14:00.000+01:00

Kafka - Away From Here:

"I gave orders for my horse to be brought round from the stable. The servant did not understand me. I myself went to the stable, saddled my horse and mounted. In the distance I heard a bugle call, I asked him what this meant. He knew nothing and had heard nothing. At the gate he stopped me, asking: 'Where are you riding to, master?' 'I don't know,' I said, 'only away from here, away from here. Always away from here, only by doing such can I reach my destination.' 'And so you know your destination?' he asked. 'Yes,' I answered, 'didn't I say so? Away-From-Here, that is my destination.' 'You have no provisions with you,' he said. 'I need none,' I said, 'The journey is so long that I must die of hunger if I don't get anything on the way. No provisions can save me. For it is, fortunately, a truly immense journey.'"

This blogging lark is a doddle [= So blogging is bloody easy], what with all the marvellous material already existing on the internet. Copyright, you say? Yes, I want to talk to you about that. Please come this way.... For the rest of you, a bow. I hope you start to realise how this log of the web is not just interesting and wonderful, but also a fight against the second law of thermodynamics. I do, because I can. I wonder what Kafka's blog would have been like...

How can papers afford to give away DVDs?

2005-10-14T19:32:00.000+01:00

So how can papers afford to give away all those DVDs? A fine question by any standard (except saltiness). The BBC, in its queenly wisdom, claims that the answer is that the newspapers get each DVD very, very cheaply, even as low as 16p according to an Anonymous Industry Source [I wish I knew more of those]. An obvious response-question, at least to a middle-class boy, is, "Why the hell do we pay so much for the DVDs ourselves then?", assuming "we" actually buy DVDs. As a professional journalist can't give the correct answer, "Because you're idiots who agree to it", the need to blame someone else has to be satisfied. If the scapegoat is also an idiot, this helps. Much help was given on this occasion by Gennaro Castaldo, an "HMV spokesman" [I wish I knew more of those too].

"DVDs should be aspirational but if you see them being tossed around it sends out a negative message," says HMV spokesman Gennaro Castaldo. "It devalues the medium in the minds of the public."

So because people find out just how cheap a DVD really is, they won't want to own one any more? The horror! Maybe retailers shouldn't be depending on DVDs being "aspirational" in the first place, especially because no-one actually thinks so. Disingenuously pretending they are won't do much good for the brand, will it? So will HMV et al now face reality and price DVDs more cheaply?

Mr Castaldo rejects it as a "facile argument". The cost of DVDs sold in shops reflects the "full costs of creating a film, distribution, marketing and selling it."

Just like the ones given away free with the newspapers, no? How facile of us to notice. Bloody consumers and their demanding demands. The world moves on.

A borderline existence (Ha'aretz)

2005-10-14T01:35:00.000+01:00

A curious tale:

Tom Hanks lived in an airport. Mahmoud Shaniq lives at a checkpoint. Hanks was in a movie, Shaniq is doing it in real life. When push comes to shove, though, it's more comfortable to live in a modern airport terminal than at an Israel Defense Forces checkpoint in the occupied territories. It is not clear why the character played by Hanks chose to live in the airport in the film 'Terminal.' However, it is perfectly clear why Shaniq chooses to live at the checkpoint: he has no other choice, because he wants to go on living. He is barred from moving to the west of the checkpoint, which is Israeli territory, and he is convinced that if he takes a few steps to the east, toward the West Bank, he will be liquidated immediately. Shaniq is known in the West Bank as a collaborator with Israel.

To cut a complicated story simple, this Palestinian, Shariq, appears to be extremely unlucky, having been struck with, in the correspondent's words, the "mark of Cain" -- that of being accused of collaboration with the Israelis, an accusation he denies. A tale of flitting between home and abroad, trying not to be killed or deported, describes his life so far. And now, after really having collaborated with the Israelis to try and be allowed to stay there, he has been kicked out one final time, and has nowhere to go. Except Hollywood, of course. I think he should at least try.

Madonna 'upsets Israeli rabbis', rest of world [as American journalists would have it, and me]

2005-10-10T23:40:00.000+01:00

Since wearing conical bras got the attention of everyone except those who shun pop culture and its satanic ways, Madonna has embarked on a much more focussed marketing strategy, starting with one of her biggest unexploited markets, Israeli rabbis. Given their previous lack of interest in her status as a virgin with a premiere contact, or her habit of crying blood, she's gone for the jugular and just written a song about an important rabbi in Kabbalah folklore that most Jews don't really care about. This has provoked outrages such as the following (according to the BBC):

'Jewish law forbids the use of the name of the holy rabbi for profit,' said Cohen, who runs a seminary named after Luria in the northern Israel town of Safed."

He obviously has a non-profit seminary. Source of all this inconsequential speculation: BBC NEWS | Entertainment | Madonna 'upsets Israeli rabbis' I bet you're really glad I exist now.

A new Shining trailer, perhaps

2005-10-09T00:13:00.000+01:00

The Shining has been re-released! It's now called Shining and has a completely different storyline. There's a new trailer to herald it. The aforementioned trailer For some reason, I found it all very funny...

News in Science - Dolphins sing 'Batman' theme - 03/10/2005

2005-10-09T00:10:00.000+01:00

Keeping right up to date, I hereby inform you that Dolphins sing 'Batman' theme. Who knew? I don't.

Living with short-term amnesia [from the Independent]

2005-09-27T19:33:00.000+01:00

It's not news, but it's a blog entry, so it should suffice, punk. The first DVD I ever bought had an encoded version of "Memento" on it, and since watching the decoded version of the film from that same DVD, I've always considered it a damn fine movie. In it, as you know, a man tries to avenge his wife's murder. Unfortunately for him, this is made harder by his inability to remember anything more than about 30 seconds beforehand. Fortunately for the viewer, this, and the use of reversing time so that what came before an event is not known until later on, make an excellent film. So now the Independent, in a flurry of non-journalism, have published a story about someone real - yes, real! - who suffers from a similar condition. It's not like there are wars or anything going on. From the article contained within this, somehow,

"In order to lead a normal life, Chandler must keep a meticulous diary to help jolt memories and remember forthcoming events. Her bedroom is scattered with notes: 'Check diary', '52 weeks, 365 days'. Often she repeats the notes over and over, forgetting that she has already tried to prompt herself to remember. In her bedroom, she also has pictures of Tony Blair and Charles Kennedy. Below she describes their roles. For the first time, she voted in the general election in May."

Evangelical Scientists Refute Gravity With New 'Intelligent Falling' Theory

2005-08-17T22:42:00.000+01:00

From the Onion: Evangelical Scientists Refute Gravity With New 'Intelligent Falling' Theory "The ECFR, in conjunction with the Christian Coalition and other Christian conservative action groups, is calling for public-school curriculums to give equal time to the Intelligent Falling theory. They insist they are not asking that the theory of gravity be banned from schools, but only that students be offered both sides of the issue 'so they can make an informed decision.'" Sounds as reasonable as the Intelligent Design theory. I'm glad they're being consistent, even if it's only in satire. Now we just need them to admit that Christianity is divinely inspired and not a human product of its time and... Oh, good point. Damn.

The victims of the 7th of July London bombings

2005-08-09T15:01:00.000+01:00

A description and picture of each of the victims of the first London bombings can be found here [source: BBC News]. The effect is a massively, incredibly moving portrayal of lives intertwined. Nothing connects these people but their humanity and their proximity to each other at the moment of their deaths. They were ordinary people doing ordinary things, and yet they are so varied that the ordinariness shocks. Shouldn't these people have been famous beforehand? They have so many amazing stories to tell! And yet, because the bombing was, essentially, a random sampling of a population, it shows how many amazing stories everyone has to tell. The beauty of everyone's lives is so evident when it is examined... A fitting tribute to the victims would be for us all to consider how special we are, and how lucky we are to be alive and have people we care about in our lives. There will always be people who want to kill others, for whatever reason. I just hope that one day it becomes very rare. The only way this will happen, as with so many other acts I disapprove of, is when people realise the errors of their ways. Only when people fully consider the consequences of their actions will they not carry out those actions. Of course, no-one can know the consequences of their actions totally, but a rational approach will yield, in my opinion, an appreciation of the probable consequences. Violence is a mindless act, the mark of irrationality, because I have never seen an example where it works better than other methods, except when there is no choice. And there is always a choice, except in self-defense. Too many people excuse violence, confusing the understanding thereof with its justification. We indeed have no absolute morals, in the sense that we don't know what they are, and any of the possible moralities could be the right ones; but that doesn't mean we shouldn't have a morality and act upon it. I plead that people use their powers to reject violence in all its forms, for only then will humanity be able to reach its potential. I have not given up hope. My oh my, what a few pictures and stories of a group of random people can do to a grown man...

Ynetnews - Opinion - A billion reasons for a crisis

2005-06-22T07:48:00.000+01:00

Ynetnews - Opinion - A billion reasons for a crisis: "The world is complex, life isn’t always fair, some nations are more equal than others, and the U.S. can get away with a lot more than we can." Quick, tell your children, so they won't be so disappointed when they get older [unless you are in the US, in which case tell your children so they can feel pride and self-affirmation at something they had nothing to do with. No reason to deprive them].

Send God a letter, but don't forget the stamp, apparently (Ha'aretz)

2005-06-17T09:20:00.000+01:00

Just to prove that Israel is a land of peace, milk and craziness (honey having lost out to crisps in the confectionary market), a dimpled-cheek article about the Israeli Postal Authority's revised attitude to Letter to God (or Jesus or Santa Claus, as some people prefer) is going to be linked to from this article. The first paragraph is the best, so for your enjoyment, and to mess with the copyright laws, I reprint it here.. down a bit.. there:

An urban legend has been circulating in the Postal Authority for years about a letter to God that landed in the dead letter department. The postal employees decided to open it and found that a poor man had sent an emotional appeal to God to send him NIS 5,000 so he could celebrate an upcoming holiday properly. Touched, the postal workers decided to take up a collection for the man. They raised NIS 4,300 and sent it to the return address on the envelope. Two weeks later, another letter to God came from the man. This time when they opened it, they found a thank-you note. "I am so grateful that you answered my prayer," the man had written. "But next time, don't send the money through the mail - those postal workers stole NIS 700."

Source:Haaretz - Israel News - Send God a letter, but don t forget the stamp [Ha'aretz] I wonder why people don't send letters directly to the Temple Mount, or a chocolate factory, both places seemingly closer to God. Each to their own. Is this another post on my blog? Twice in one month? Twice in two days? Goodness. Give me some of the champagne.

Antigua and Barbuda: Map, History and Much More From Answers.com (and questions from the Guymeister)

2005-06-16T16:18:00.000+01:00

Here's a link to an article about information about the world: Antigua and Barbuda: Map, History and Much More From Answers.com Now I have to ask: why? Why.. why? Basically: why? Why does no-one write about this country regularly? Why doesn't every news source have a daily update on Antiguan affairs? I want to know how the Barbudan independence movement is doing. I want to read about how the new Government is doing after decades of Bird rule. I want to know why the the vast majority of the foreign-owned ships registered there under a flag of convenience are German. [The exact numbers are, as of 2002: Australia 1, Bangladesh 2, Belgium 3, Colombia 1, Cuba 1, Estonia 1, Germany 747, Greece 1, Iceland 8, Latvia 1, Lebanon 2, Lithuania 1, Netherlands 22, New Zealand 2, Portugal 1, Slovenia 6, South Africa 1, Sweden 2, United Kingdom 1, United States 7]. We should all know that you can call them from inside the USA without an international dialling code; we should all know that they only became independent in 1981; and we should damn well learn their national anthem: Fair Antigua, we salute thee! Proudly we this anthem raise To thy glory and thy beauty, Joyfully we sing the praise Of the virtues, all bestowed On thy sons and daughters free; Ever striving, ever seeking, Dwell in love and unity. Raise the standard! Raise it boldly! Answer now to duty's call To the service of thy country, Sparing nothing, giving all; Gird your loins and join the battle 'Gainst fear, hate and poverty, Each endeavouring, all achieving, Live in peace where man is free. God of nations, let Thy blessings Fall upon this land of ours; Rain and sunshine ever sending, Fill her fields with crops and flowers; We her children do implore Thee, Give us strength, faith, loyalty, Never failing, all enduring To defend her liberty. Lyrics: Novelle Hamilton Richards I say: Bravo Ms. Richards! I think you're a woman; do get in touch if you're not. This was one way of breaking the blog ceiling, to answer your question.

The Pope copes on the slope with a hope, and then dies

2005-04-08T20:55:00.000+01:00

Well done Blogger on being offline so often recently! You're almost on the internet as little as me nowadays. Anyway, nice to be with you again. Continuing the one-post trend that involves Controversial and Current Important and Topical People, I write to ask: who could care less about the Pope dying? Apart from Catholics, necrophiles, tax inspectors, and so on. Brave of me, I know. But really, the amount of coverage given over to him would indicate that he was our head of state; the content of the coverage suggests he's the head of state of a Catholic theocracy much bigger than just the Vatican. It's all said better by Christopher Hitchens, who clearly likes the sound of his own typing, but it's forgivable because the sound of his writing is always good [Fired - Retired PC Gamer Ed]. It's said better just, about.. here!: http://slate.msn.com/id/2116443/fr/rss/ Phew, I thought that would never end. Normal service will resume never.

Schiavo Miavo

2005-04-06T18:48:00.000+01:00

Every blogger and his grandmother (God rest her soul, she was a sharp one) has written about some woman called Terri Schiavo, to the extent that I don't even need to look up the spelling of her name [cue angry emails decrying my poor spelling and judgment from no-one at all]. In case you are profoundly deaf, can't read and have no friends [in which case, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to harm you], she's a woman who died very slowly, because other people argued about how she should die, whilst she didn't mind so much. Or something. I tried to resist giving my own two cents, because for such a small amount the commission on the currency exchange is formidable; but then I read possibly the only article that actually made any sense of the whole thing, by almost totally ignoring the morals of it. Given that it's none of our business, this is a damn fine attitude to take. The article can be found by clicking on certain words in this very post -- yes!, this very post! Go find 'em. The Economics of the End of Life - Mises Institute Did you find the article? Good for you! Go have a biscuit as a reward. Shoo. I'm trying to run a blog here.

Petre's outpourings of friendship and light

2005-03-23T15:37:00.000Z

The latest musings of Petre the Perceptive Insaniac [that should so be a word if it isn't yet, or rather it should be accepted as a word by everyone else in the world if it isn't yet] are in, and after culling the stuff about the impending end of the world and the return of Jesus (which was a rather vacuous affair this time), the leftovers went approximately as follows, with my acerbic lack of wit filed away safely in square brackets, though I warn you that this is a necessary, and not sufficient condition for my additions. Except at the end. And here. Just click on the links already! Man not fat, nor big boned, but tumoured [and also living near me, which could explain away my obesity… not that I’m obese. That was just a joke. Really. Don’t be scared girls! If you were attracted beforehand, then you’ve overcome far worse obstacles than my obesity. Not that I'm obese, etc.]: http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/england/berkshire/4347259.stm The most unusual failures were candidates who couldn't find their car: http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/magazine/4340381.stm Bryson: "suggested a house swap": http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/entertainment/arts/4341367.stm Dr Melissa Hack: Snorologist: http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/health/4341199.stm Cardinal Bertone told Il Giornale: "The book is everywhere. There is a very real risk that many people who read it will believe that the fables it contains are true." [He could have almost been talking about the bible] [also in NTK, non-NTK readers / NTK-reading amnesiacs!]: http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/entertainment/arts/4350625.stm Unfortunate nominative determinism: http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/england/london/4350393.stm A recent Gallup survey revealed that only one in four Americans were either very familiar or somewhat familiar with blogs: http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/technology/4350041.stm Faust - Metal Opera: http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/world/europe/4347047.stm The otter having its head bashed in with a spade: http://www.channel4.com/film/reviews/feature.jsp?V=3&SV=8&id=131540 Culkin is stung to death by bees [Sounds hilarious to me] [I couldn’t believe they were seriously suggesting it’s anything but stupidly funny, and stupid]: http://www.channel4.com/film/newsfeatures/microsites/T/tearjerkers/results/10-1.html Live insects for meals can result in a bill of $100 for a single patient [what the hell are they doing in the picture. Is it legal?]: http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/world/asia-pacific/4363549.stm Freedom of Information: http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/england/hampshire/4363763.stm Phytooestrogen isoflavone: http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/health/4361563.stm [I heard this story on the radio, but it didn't mention the following sentence] Sir Peter thought it had been taken by a local male otter: http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/scotland/4361079.stm [Lebanon’s bureaucracy is the subject of a BBC News story… is that right?] http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/entertainment/music/4362373.stm "Titanic in space": http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/entertainment/film/4360355.stm Cows take pleasure in solving problems and sheep: http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/sci/tech/4360947.stm [This one is from me, but if Petre had found it I’m sure he would’ve told me about it. It's funny and geeky, like me, except I’m not digitised (yet). Or funny.] http://ned.ucam.org/~sdh31/misc/destroy.html Petre also kindly sent two excellent otter-related links, which with luck will be included in my autobiography. They’re pretty much the same as the links below in all important respects – or at least important for most. Any offended physicists should join the Democratic Party. Even if they’re not Americans, in which case my recommendation is made in stronger terms. http://www.whiterockgallery.com/prinsen-pic-24.htm http://www.sptimes.com/News/050401/news_pf/TampaBay/Unusual_otter_attack_.shtml

Petre's trenchant coated dumplings

2005-03-09T16:39:00.000Z

Petre has, as is his way, sent me the best examples of recent BBC News Online efforts at reporting on Our World. I reproduce the links and misrepresentative quotes he provides, not just because it'll make the world better, and not just because it's a good use/waste of time (as long as I post this in the next 30 seconds, give or take 0.76 seconds), but also because it proves I read his emails and appreciate their wit. I could just reply, but I know that'll take many hours, and I don't have a desire to get kicked off my course or my job just yet [there is a logical link, anthropophiles!]. Very soon, but not just yet. And the title? Because I can. Here goes...

There is no chance of anyone getting away without doing the reading: http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/world/americas/4332183.stm Retrospective planning application refused: http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/scotland/4330555.stm Laughter offsets the impact of mental stress, which is harmful to the endothelium: http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/health/4325819.stm Taking iconographic Americans out of the picture as a sort of cultural-destabilization plan: http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/entertainment/film/4332239.stm Eating lots of biscuits is obviously an enjoyable prospect for most people: http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/england/beds/bucks/herts/4328509.stm Mrs Parker Bowles appears as a whip-wielding dominatrix in jodhpurs: http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/entertainment/arts/4332595.stm No self-respecting Malaysian is likely to leave the planet: http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/world/asia-pacific/4331979.stm

Petre: I provide a pacifistic salute in lieu of a beer, because it's cheaper and more rewarding.

10 things that could land your vicar in trouble, according to the BBC

2005-02-18T15:08:00.000Z

Ah, at last! An article worth blogging (or strictly speaking, so good it's making me stop being lazy and actually share the excellent stuff I [and, more often, Petre] find). There are lots of crazy stories involving Christians at the moment (though I presume this moment has lasted about 2000 years), but this one has the advantage of including some statistics (though still no sample size or chi-squared test). It seems that even vicars don't believe in such fundamental Christian beliefs as, say, the Virgin Birth (27% don't think a virgin could have a baby, unreasonably remembering the definition that a virgin can't have had engaged in the process of sexual reproduction, except possibly when she herself was born), the Resurrection (33% not accepting it unquestioningly), or even God as a supernatural being (the only vicar dismissed for heresy in the 20th century). This is unfortunate, as heresy trials could be about to be, erm, resurrected. Or maybe it's fortunate, as it'll give Channel 4 another Reality TV idea, and one that even I might watch. An article as wittily and smartly written as this is worth reading in general, especially when it comes from the BBC, where the articles are sometimes so insipid I feel like I'm licking a bucket coated in candyfloss whilst reading them (to be fair, this is because I sometimes I am). Enjoy (sure, why not?, etc). BBC NEWS | UK | Magazine | 10 things that could land your vicar in trouble

Spamtastic

2005-01-11T13:37:00.000Z

Verizon have come up with a great way of making sure their customers don't suffer from spam [only the electronic variety though, thus far, presumably until they can control processed meat distribution channels... maybe I should investigate this matter, or wait till Chris Morris does it]. Their strategy is: bounce emails from whole IP ranges for no good reason! Spam Expert Type says in the article aforelinked, "We would never block a whole country and say, 'England is bad.'" Whyever not? It's a valid political opinion. And thus ends another post, and other era of my life.

Tsunamis, Amazon, and an otter awoken

2004-12-29T15:49:00.000Z

Now I don't want to kill any cats [not yet, anyway], but as regular readers of this blog-on-hiatus should know, it takes rather a lot to make me post something here. This is not because I don't have something to say, but rather because I'm always worried that if I do so I'd miss out doing something more important. I just can't justify it, and that makes me feel guilty. Boo hoo, indeed. Screw that. I've just noticed that amazon.com have a notice on their main page for sending money to the Red Cross's Tsunami Help Relief Aid Thingymajiggy, which, at the time of writing and checking [notwithstanding the slight gap between the two] has received $1,455,906.41 from 27016 people via this method. I found out this existed from an article on slashdot.org, one of the worst websites in the world, where people were complaining that Americans are too stingy and don't care about the world and are stupid. Here in good ol' Blighty, of course, people have stiff upper lips and no sex, and are very kind to animals and savages. We fund the BBC, that Light Unto The Nations; we have a very nice Queen (Gawd Bless 'Er!); and we speak much better English than everyone else, especially those stingy, stupid Yanks. Which would explain why amazon.co.uk has absolutely no mention of giving any money to the Red Cross on its main page. Being a kind and generous soul myself (and very possibly an American), I provide screenshots of the two aforementioned main pages. You may, if you like, take a moment to consider how small we are relative to the universe, the incredible information-generating capabilities of us mere mortals [well, not me, obviously, on the mortal or information-generating points], and again the futility in which we engage in these activities. Then you may look down (or scroll down if appropriate): Fascinating, right? I'm glad I did this. No idea when I'll sort out the rest of the site, due to my having almost no time to focus on stuff like that. Whatever spare time I do have is taken up with reading lots of random sites, feeling proud that I'm reading about lots of Important Things, and then sleeping. I'm sure my life won't always be like this, but I have a niggling feeling that's a totally unjustifiable hypothesis. So many thoughts, so little time. Muchos gracias to those signing the guestbook. The boost to my ego that you would even consider visiting my site gladdens me immensely, especially when said signing is full of bile. A special "thank you" to 'i', who gladdens me immensely not just by the ego-massaging, of course, for sure..

One third of Americans haven't evolved, yet aren't much Godly either

2004-11-23T20:34:00.000Z

[Sadly, my ability to not be incompetent has not evolved, because I still am incompetent. I didn't realise Petre had already posted this story, and many others besides, before I did. Ho hum. I guess I'll just go hibernate again until Judgement Day, when presumably some Heavenly Judges will evolve from amoeba, the (proportionately) most intelligent organisms on this Goddamn planet, and make me a prince of a small Indian province]. Like a phoenix rising from cigarette ashes, I am overcoming my justifiably legendary inertia to actually blog something. I knew at least Petre would find it highly amusing, so that would make it worth it. It could be so amusing he'll die, but it's worth taking the risk. Given that I'm like a phoenix, we should consider how it evolved. Inspired by Richard Dawkins, I have to admit that there is clearly no plausible explanation bar that a cow developed a backpack, mated with lots of birds [something I should try doing some time, for scientific reasons of course] and became cigarette ash. From which a phoenix emerged. A more beautiful and technically correct theory you'd be hard put to find. Unless you believe God created humans 10,000 years ago. Now clearly you don't, because then you'd be a raving fool [as well as a bore: if you're going to scramble for unobservable, supernatural reasons for Earthly happenings at least go for something interesting. What's wrong with the theory I set out in the second paragraph? You ungrateful zealot. You probably want to abolish all taxes but you still read this for free! Yes]. We all know there are very few raving fools in the world (at least those of us who aren't raving fools do), so when we read a large proportion of Americans are raving fools, we can feel nothing but anger, pain and cow/pheonix manure at Gallup, the previously highly-reputable polling company that released this 'finding'. A totally disgraceful attempt to manipulate the good people of the Occident. Ban them, I say! Ban theeeeeeeem! I thank you for your time. [When I said I'd sort out my website by November I meant an arbitrary November sometime during the course of time. Generalising is so much fun (in general). But I hope to do it by November 2005. I further hope that hope alone will sort my site out; I think this is as likely as the theory I proposed on the evolution of the pheonix, and is therefore foolproof (unless you're a raving fool). Watch this space, and ignore the advertisements.]

Expensive Toast and Dolphin Saviours

2004-11-23T18:08:00.000Z

The important stories from the week so far: A 10-year old piece of toast has been bought on eBay for $28,000 by a casino. If you missed out, the casino plans to sell it on in the future. I expect there will be a lot of copycat cookers out there trying to replicate the Virgin Mary likeness. In fact, you can buy a sandwich toaster that "may or may not reproduce the Virgin Mary image". Much like other sandwich toasters then. A group (pod?) of dolphins protected some swimmers in New Zealand from a great white shark. What a nice story. A Scottish company has made a JFK assassination 'game' to 'commemorate' the 41st anniversary. The Kennedy family are not happy. Apparently, the company does not consider their product a video game because "no imagination [was used] to create the scene." [Insert snide comment about unimaginative game developers here.] The RSPCA recommends feeding hamsters ketchup. Or something. Daylight helps babies to sleep. And thus prevents them from doing drugs as teenagers. Well, I thought it was interesting. Researchers (naturally) have found Britain's largest dinosaur. Or at least a fossil of one of its neck bones, which allows them (by some sort of conjury/science) to estimate that it was 20m long and 40-50 tonnes. Chocolate may help prevent coughs. The active compound is theobromine, which is also found in tea (which cures everything) and is a derivative of caffeine (which is a derivative of adenine, one of the bases of DNA). Capsaicin is apparently used by researchers to make people cough (we all have to relax somehow). I think it is also the compound in chilies that makes them hot. That must be why chocolate and chilies are such a good combination. I think codeine is closely related to heroin, but I could be wrong. Enough biochemistry for now I think. But while we're on the subject of science: The worst jobs in science, include cranks, nurses, and T.V. weatherpersons. Odd. One of the worst jobs in science (hey, great link), must be trying to convince certain Americans that evolution has a little evidence in its favour (or favor). Whoevers job it is now is doing well. According to a recent poll, now a whole third (or a third of a whole) of Americans say evolution is supported by the evidence. Another third believe the bible is the literal truth. God help us. Especially those evil evolution-believing sinners.

Deadly Churches and the End of the World

2004-11-20T15:45:00.000Z

The Dutch have found yet another reason not to go church: you could end up closer to God than you'd like. The air in some churchs it seems is more polluted than "air beside roads travelled by 45,000 vehicles daily". This seems quite a specific measurement of pollution. A number (230) of 14-year olds thought they were going meet God sooner than they wanted when their headmaster tried to make them enjoy life by telling them an asteroid was on it way. For some reason, some of the children became a little unhappy. Which just goes to show that they're not prepared for the rapture. Remember: this time it was a poorly thought out spoof by a mad Mancunian. Next time it could be for real. Which reminds me about Lembit Opik. What are Dutch researchers doing when they're not measuring polycyclic hydrocarbons in churches and beside roads travelled by 45,000 vehicles daily? Taking photos, that's what. Not just any photos mind, but 2,500 Megapixel pictures. The picture is so detailed that you can clearly read the number plate of the cars that appear as a blurred smudge when the picture fills the screen. One of the red car parked on the left has the number plate PP-LR-79 if you're interested. There are lot of detail there. And the question in everyone's mouth: how many emails does William Gates get every day? Literally four million pieces apparently. Surprisingly, it's mainly spam and not personal correspondence. He has a whole literal department to filter it down to about ten pieces. There does seem much point him giving out his email address if the chance of an email reaching him is only 1 in 400,000. But maybe the filter doesn't filter randomly. Following on from the article in the Guardian about Bush which mentioned some assassins, there are even more angry people. Even the Dutch got involved, talking about the violence of Kerry supporters, which included some pie attacks on Ann Coulter.

In case you think pie attacks are funny, a Powerline reader from the Netherlands adds:

No, dear friends in America, the attack on Ann Coulter was certainly not funny. Here in the Netherlands we were immediately reminded of the pie attack on Pim Fortuyn, the Dutch anti-muslim leader. Few months after he was subjected to a pie attack, he was killed by people with the same ultra-left background. In retrospect, the pie attack was seen as a harbinger of the mortal attack on the man who should have been our prime-minister.

And least we forgot: Bonzo the clown got a pie in the face and twelve years later he was run over by a drunk driver (who probably had an ultra-left background).

Gervais and Politics

2004-11-18T21:01:00.000Z

I just had to post this link, if only so I can find the article at a later date. It's an interview with Ricky Gervais, who, it turns out, is great. In summary, as I can't be bothered to write much and no one will read it anyway: The Americans haven't ruined The Office. Actors are rubbish. Scientists are great. It's a hard life being an atheist. Extras might be out in the summer. I couldn't agree more. Expect for the last point perhaps.

And the Winner is...

2004-11-17T17:43:00.000Z

A while back I exclusively revealed that Dutch T.V station KRO were holding a Top Dutch Person Contest and I'm sure everyone is on tenterhooks to know who won. Well unfortunately it wasn't Escher as I predicted, but the infamous Pim Fortuyn. All you need to know about Mr Fortuyn, which is mentioned in every article about him is that he was an openly gay, right wing, anti-immigration, Dutch politician who was assassinated nine days before the 2002 general election by an animal rights activist. His un-liberal and therefore un-Dutch policies shook up politics in the Netherlands and seem to have been the start of declining tolerance here. Or maybe I'm completly wrong. Honourable mention should to go to Antonie van Leeuwenhoek at number four, if only for being a scientist. Anne Franks who is technically not Dutch despite the the efforts of KRO, came eigth. Rembrandt beat van Gogh. HOPE, the Horrified Observers of Pedestrian Entertainment has offered to swap CDs by Ashless Simpson (whoever she is) for CDs of proper music. An excellent idea, even if does mean that they end up with a lot of CDs they don't want. Talking of great music, Bob Dylan's Like a Rolling Stone has been voted the Greatest Song. Eminem did surprisingly well too. Taxing Texts: the future. Posh Crisp: also the future. Toast on Ebay: for nearly $100m. That's enough news for now.

Sint-Maarten

2004-11-12T19:17:00.000Z

Well, it's been a while. First I should mention that yesterday was obviously Sint-Maarten. On this happy day people give thanks to Saint Martin, the patron saint of windmills, for giving them the power to grind flour using nothing but invisible breeze power. People, especially children, dress up as windmills and spin around in the streets throwing flour everywhere and eating chocolate mice with clogs on. In the evening, people drink water from the canals mixed with freshly ground flour. Then they go and form a circle around their local windmill, which is decorated by tying candles to its blades. Praise is sung to Saint Martin, who, it is said, got the idea for a windmill when he saw a sycamore seed spiral into a pile of wheat. He became a martyr soon after the construction of the first windmill prototype. Unfortunately, none of the above, excluding the first sentence, is true. It would be nice if it was though, but I didn't say "Simon says". Nor did I provide a link to a BBC news story. Therefore, it can't be true. I've no idea who Saint Martin was. The day is 'celebrated' by children going around the house holding lanterns (no, not the houses) and singing songs in return for sweets. It's a little like a cross between carol singing and trick'n'treating, with more reward than the former and less threatening behaviour than the latter. I think my ideas were better. Dutch news that I can't find a link to verify but I'm assured is true: Today in north west Groningen, one of those security vans that carry money from shops and banks spilt its load of 400 kg of two euro coins all over the road. I suppose someone will have to pick it all up. I wish I had a picture. Less entertaining Dutch news, but worth including because it's Dutch and I have a link: http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/europe/4006313.stm Sticking with international news because I'm so well travelled and cultured. This is about Amelie: http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/entertainment/4005623.stm And I have to include some science. Who says that random mutations never create useful adaptions and only destroy information? Creationists, that's who. And they're right. What use is a two-headed tortoise? http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/uk_news/4006351.stm Media news: Another BBC 3 comedy is coming to BBC2. This time, The Mighty Boosh. Not as good as The Smoking Room, but it has its moments. Specifically, the heavily-advertised "I don't like cricket" dance in the first episode. Having rarely heard that song in England, I heard it three times within a week here. Yet another reason that this is a great country. And, because all my posts seem to end with death, I should mention the death of Yasser Arafat. There, I've done it. http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/in_depth/middle_east/2004/arafat/default.stm

Navasota Not A Happy Bunny

2004-11-03T20:44:00.000Z

I should really write something about this, but I won't. So there. Navasota examiner More importantly, Theo van Gogh was murdered in Amsterdam a couple of days ago, while my mum and sister were there. I don't think there's any connection. The murder is obviously big news here and has been on the six o'clock news and Newnight. But in case you missed it: The people here (in the Netherlands) are definitely shocked at the recent spate of murders. Most famously, of Pim Fortuyn, but also of several powerful criminals since then. Although these murders are completely unrelated to van Gogh's, it seems completely at odds with the tolerant Dutch lifestyle (not that they tolerate criminals). I hope they can maintain their libralism. On a lighter note, it appears that some Germans have tried to copy The Office. Will they ever learn?

Healthy Eating (and Drinking)

2004-10-27T21:01:00.000+01:00

Being the beneficent person that I am, I've scoured the internet (well, the BBC News website) for a comprehensive guide to what to eat (mainly drink, as it happens) to protect you against various ills. You may wonder about the wisdom of restricting myself to a single source of advice, but I think I've come up with a fairly balanced and easy-to-stick-to diet. To protect against: Alzheimer's: http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/health/3951003.stm Parkinson's: http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/health/1933596.stm Cancer: http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/health/1916798.stm Osteoporosis: http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/health/1984181.stm Heart disease: http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/health/1452341.stm Heart attacks: http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/health/389059.stm Heart attack damage: http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/health/1966033.stm Tooth decay: http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/health/1344892.stm General bad health: http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/health/2280353.stm Pretty much anything:http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/health/170557.stm In contrast, be warned: http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/health/3759948.stm http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/health/1935431.stm http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/health/3909085.stm My featured wikipedia page this week (and perhaps ever) is: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_Heroic_Fictional_Scientists I found it while trying to prove to some Dutch people that Van Helsing was (in the book at least) a Dutch Doctor. I also found a long and slightly bizzare list of fictional things, which includes links to a list of fictional characters predominantly seen wearing sunglasses, a list of fictional mixed drinks and a list of Jewish superheros, among much else. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Archive_of_fictional_things Reporters Without Borders have released their third worldwide press freedom index. The countries that comes first are all notably excellent, especially: Denmark, Iceland and the Netherlands. The USA came joint 22nd with Belgium. The UK came a disappointing joint 28th with Hungary and El Salvador. Surprisingly, North Korea came last. Even after that State of Mind documentary and everything. http://www.rsf.fr/article.php3?id_article=11715 And to finish, I once again have to mention a recent death (this is becoming worryingly frequent). In this case it is, of course, John Peel, who seemed to me, to be a great bloke as well as being incredibly important to British music. I was surprised at just how shocked and upset I was when I read the news. For a slightly different link: http://www.wordiq.com/definition/John_Peel

Look Around You To Return

2004-10-23T19:40:00.000+01:00

Some excellent news from the BBC comedy blog: http://www.bbc.co.uk/comedy/news/2004/10/21/14990.shtml Look Around You (LAY) will be returning some time soon and will feature rubbish computer games. You can even write the rubbish game yourself if you can do that sort of thing and floow the B3ta link. I don't why I have been to www.donniedarko.com before. I went today and it's excellent if very strange, as you might expect. It uses little popups in a very different way to the normal annoying adverts. Wikipedia has quite a good article on Donnie Darko including quite a helpful explanation of the film and lots of links. And a BBC news story, because it's traditional. A novel way of trying to get people to vote: http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/world/americas/3762028.stm A choice quote from the above article: "voting and sex are two ways you can participate in being an American. " Do you really need to participate in being an American? I know most people don't.

UK Gamers Triumphant

2004-10-12T22:07:00.000+01:00

Here's a story that caught my attention, though not because I'm particularly interested in gaming. I think the headline "World gaming triumph for UK team" is rather misleading, since the fourth line of the article is:

Unfortunately, none of the UK's 10 official entrants won medals.

Which seems a little contradictory. However, it is the UK team that was successful, specifically a Dutch and a French member. And both represented their home countries. Presumably, one or both of the other members of the team was from the UK. Or perhaps they were international and just based their team in the UK. Either way, the UK definitely triumphed. Oh yes. Other triumphs from the article include: Counter-Strike: team knocked out in the first league round Unreal: One player knocked out in the league section, the other lost in the first round of elimination Warcraft: neither of the UK's official players got past the opening round Project Gotham racing event: did not get past the first stage Fifa 2004: no one entered Need for Speed:no one entered Starcraft:no one entered Halo:no one entered In summary: We triumphed good and proper. Fortunately, I have decided that, for the next couple of months at least, I'm officially Dutch. And so we won! (We topped the medal tables anyway.) We even beat South Korea, the favourites, who have hosted all previous Games. I don't know where the UK came, but I'm sure it was somewhere triumphant. In other news, I was shocked and greatly saddened to read that Christopher Reeve had died at the age of 52. I couldn't help but the respect his attitude after his accident and was of course pleased at his support for stem-cell research. For the BBC news reports: http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/health/3732526.stm http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/entertainment/3732462.stm

British Comedy Abroad

2004-10-10T16:45:00.000+01:00

Another BBC news story. This time about BBC comedy abroad and which series Jonney Foreigner prefers. Quite who and how many were polled isn't clear, but I'm sure it's all reliable. It's nice, if a little odd to see Coupling comes seventh. It's more odd that it's called Sexy Six in France. That makes it sound a bit rubbish. And I presume that the Six includes Jeff, who is only mildly sexy. Similarly, don't seem to recall Dawn French wearing Stilettos in The Vicar of Dibley. The placing of 'Mexican Manuel' in this artical seems a little odd to me, separating Pitkan Jussin Majatalo and its translation, but I'm sure these journalists know best. A disappointing showing for The Office. http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/entertainment/tv_and_radio/3730650.stm

Companies, Organisations, Networks etc.

2004-10-07T19:41:00.000+01:00

Sometimes it can be hard to remember whether a web address ends in .com, .org, .net, .co.uk, .nl, .tv, or one of the many other variations. This can lead to finding some interesting, but not necessarily relevant sites, such as www.gfreeman.com. Well, it seems that even the best of us can make a mistake. And so too can Dick Cheney. In the vice-president debate, Cheney referred to factcheck.com, hoping it would answer some of Edwards' questions. Unfortunately (from his point of view at least), he meant factcheck.org. The website Cheney referred to was an advert site, and to resolve the problem, they redirected viewers to George Soros' website, who tends not to support Bush in the way Cheney might want. As it turns out, factcheck.org didn't offer the support Cheney wanted anyway. So no harm done. For slightly more detail: http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/technology/3723090.stm In other news, Maurice Wilkins, the man who took the X-ray pictures of the DNA helix that led to Watson and Crick proposing the double helix structure, has died. It's not even three months since Francis Crick died. It's a great shame that two of the grandfathers of molecular biology (arguably) and two great scientists (the same two) have died.

The Best Netherlander

2004-10-06T20:01:00.000+01:00

Who is the greatest Netherlander? And more importantly, how many famous Netherlanders can you name? For some hints check out the 200 nominations, provided by the Dutch T.V network KRO. For those who don't understand Dutch and have no ability to guess at the most obvious of translations (but perhaps can guess less obvious translations), the link you want is 'Nominatielijst'. I think I 'know' about 18 of them, though I half recognise the names of a few others. I don't recognise Hadewych or Viktor en Rolf and have to wonder what position they'll come. For more about Anne Frank's inclusion: http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/europe/3714204.stm In other, completely unrelated, news: The crackdown on Plastic Bag users: http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/africa/3714126.stm In conclusion: Best Netherlander: M. C. Esher Best Plastic Bag: The sandwich bag

A Little News

2004-10-05T19:42:00.000+01:00

Well, it's been over a week since I last posted. My enthusiasm for this blogging malarkey soon wore off. It's harder than I thought. I really do have nothing of interest to say. Or to put in the public domain anyway. Today I thought I'd add a few links to some BBC news stories, as I often do, and because I can. Firstly, some worrying news about killer ladybirds from Dr Michael Majerus of Cambridge's Evolutionary Genetics Group. The bug (as the defendant will now be known) was seen on a certain person's birthday in a pub. Merely a coincidence or something more sinister? Did the birthday-having person invite this known danger to celebrate with him, or was the said birthday boy too drunk to notice a killer in his midst? Where is Sible Hedingham? Sounds suspiciously close to Frimley/Framley to me. As Dr Majerus quite rightly said "This is without doubt the ladybird I have least wanted to see here" http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/uk_news/england/essex/3715120.stm In more worrying news, it appears that Wales has disappeared. Ladybirds are not yet suspected. I can't see how the loss of Wales couldn't have not been not on purpose. As MEP Glenys Kinnock said "the reality is that Wales is on all the maps that matter". Although she did then add: "in terms of getting substantial amounts of structural funds and so on ", so I don't know what's she's on about. Mr Morgan said "It's the way we use European money that's important. We've made a great success of that", which seems somewhat irrelevant. But good for him anyway. Lots of other people made jokes, especially about "putting Wales on the map". Good for them too. For the full story and picture (with a helpful picture to show you what Wales looks like when it's on a map): http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/uk_news/wales/3715512.stm Of course I have more links, but I leave them for now. It will give some to do if I get bored. And they're annoying difficult to access from this computer.

Molinology

2004-09-26T20:26:00.000+01:00

The main reason for people wanting to got the Netherlands, as far as I can see, is to see the windmills (or windmolens). I have now seen about 10 of the 1180 on offer here, so consider myself a bit of an expert, which is why I'm considering joining TIMS. Not only will I get two copies of the Newsbulletin a year, I'll get a copy of any new volumes of Bibliotheca Molinologica. For those of you that are curious, the TIMS website tells us that:

The term "molinology" was first coined by the Portuguese Joao Miguel dos Santos Simoes at the first International Symposium on Molinology in 1965 to define the study of mills.

It seems to me that it doesn't take a genius to coin the term "molinology" if they're at a Symposium on Molinology at the time. The word is obviously related to "molen" and "moulin", as in The Moulin Rouge. Hopefully, by the time I get home I will be well versed in molinology. I only have 1170 more to find. Perhaps I'll live in one when I'm older. I've compiled an extensive list of famous people who lived in a windmill, thus proving that it is the route to fame and possible fortune: The people of The Moulin Rouge Mathematician George Green Jonathan Creek The family in Chitty Chitty Bang Bang

A State of Mind

2004-09-24T22:01:00.000+01:00

What's this? Another post? On the same day? Surely not! Well it seems that contrary to the impression given Mr Freeman, such a thing is actually possible. Then again, I'm new to this Blogging lark. A naive upstart with too much confidence and enthusiasm. By the end of the week I'll probably have been reduced to updating once a month (on average) . So to the point of the post, for I didn't write this just to show up Guy. To do that properly, this has to be a 100% genuine post, containing some vaguely relevant or interesting nugget of information. And a link of course. http://www.koryogroup.com/projects/ The link is to the company that produced the documentary A State of Mind about a North Korean dancing team. I watched the documentary (with fellow flat 2-ites) when it was on T.V. a few months ago and thought it was incredible. Then, while watching Dutch TMF (The Music Factory) just a few days ago, I saw Faithless's video to I Want More, which is composed purely of clips from the documentary. It's a great video. So good in fact that I can't remember anything about the song. The video can be seen by following the link on the Koryo site. Though for reasons I won't go in to (because it will make me very angry), I have been unable to get the video to work. I hope you have better luck. The Koryo group also helps make guide books for tourists, so if you ever fancy a trip, you know who to turn to. Showing Guy how it's done since the 23rd September 2004, Petre

A sad day for Dutch folk music

2004-09-24T19:00:00.000+01:00

Late yesterday evening the Dutch cult icon Andr� Hazes died. The word on the street is that he wasn't all that good, but drank a lot of Heineken. For those of you who have never heard of this hero, and I believe there may still be a few of you out there, take a look at a couple of the sites below and see if you can work out what's going on. www.andrehazes.nl www.andrehazesfan.nl/ Obviously they're Dutch sites, so using the Dutch I've picked up over the last few weeks and then using Babblefish, I've translated a choice segment from the fan site:

Turn Tuesday 28 September next at 11.55 all, therefore also the regional and rural radio and TV senders the number: SHE BELIEVES IN ME

I think we can all see the truth in that. Babblefish reliably informs me that the ceramics will begin at 19:30. Incidently, She Believes in Me was a documentary film about the great man's life. It's nice to see Guy back on the scene. I thought vandalising his site might get his attention.

Guy Freeman is alive and well

2004-09-24T02:11:00.000+01:00

I'm not dead, Peter/re, Louis and random American visitors! I've merely been busy or asleep (and usually, predictably, both). But I'm back, yes I am, yessir I am! [Gets ready to launch into full-flowing WW2-stylee ditty, but instead ends this paranthetical nonsense and begins a new paragraph, a new subject, a new life]. I keep googling myself (it's so much fun), and what better way to celebrate my comeback than with the following. Always good to see a German fan site about me. Please mark my "Ausdruck", "Sex-apeal" and "Gesamt" bis top rather than von flop. Thanks. [It's work-safe, work-ing people. Unless your employers don't like Germans]. http://www.new-video.de/darsteller-guy-freeman/ Emails shall be replied to shortly. They have been highly chuckle-inducing, and therefore a Good Thing, so it's the least I can do to not reply for a while expecting them to keep arriving. But instead I will, actually, eventually, reply to them. [Nods]. Good night to you all! See you all soon! And don't worry, I haven't forgotten about the November deadline for the gfreeman.co.uk-overhaul! Whether I stick to it or not is another matter.

Finally, an update

2004-09-23T19:02:00.000+01:00

Well I got bored of waiting for Guy to update his site, so I thought I'd write something. Unfortunately, I don't have much to say, but I'm not going to let that stop me. John and I have been visiting the site religiously for the last few weeks to no avail. So have some American people. A link seems a fitting way to end this, my first post. From the marvel that is Wikipedia: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Santa_Claus_Conquers_the_Martians

The Scottish Parliament in Scots

2004-09-10T20:45:00.000+01:00

As The Register puts it: "Youse takin the piss, Jimmeh?" The Scottish Parliament: - Languages - Scots I believe our taxes are being used for this.

Don't Copy That Floppy - NinjaCulture

2004-09-10T00:33:00.000+01:00

My sides hurt from laughing too much whilst reading this transcript of some awful early nineties corporate effort to stop casual software piracy. Just to warn you in case you come across it, natch. Don't Copy That Floppy - NinjaCulture

Stories, stories, and more stories! Fun! Yay! Etc.

2004-09-09T23:32:00.000+01:00

And the stories are Peter-filtered, as only the best stories are. Take it away Petre! (sic) : http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/health/3623284.stm http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/health/3620560.stm http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/technology/3621182.stm http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/world/asia-pacific/3620800.stm http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/world/south_asia/3621348.stm http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/education/3624198.stm Poor John [one of Jesus's disciples, sort of]: http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/world/asia-pacific/3621864.stm In contast: http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/business/3623470.stm I had a game by Acclaim: http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/technology/3622278.stm I'm sure there's a joke in there somewhere [apart from the irony that we're paying for stories like this to be written]: http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/entertainment/arts/3612726.stm An important question: http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/world/south_asia/3621898.stm This makes me feel better. Illegal jobs? [which in this case appears to be selling tea-towels from door to door. Not exactly drug dealing, is it? Is it? Oh, that's news to me] http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/magazine/3618070.stm I thought this might be interesting and a certain sentence just jumped out and grabbed me (literally) [there're quite a few crazy sentences, but I'm not sure which one would be crazy enough to attack Petre. These bloody sentences nowadays have no respect for the law! Also, if she's 22 years old, I'm about -7]: http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/entertainment/arts/3621534.stm

Virtual capitalism

2004-08-25T12:14:00.000+01:00

Outsourcing works! Hard-working immigrants are despised by ignorant and malicious natives! Almost everyone benefits, and those who don't claim the new system is unfair! All this is proven from the experiment that is Massively Multi-Player Online Role-Playing Games. Humans are really fascinating stuff, aren't they? I'd write more, except I'm supposed to be doing a job at the moment, and I don't think this is part of it. Apparently we have to do what we're told when we're "on the job". Damned. But I'll let you read the article, because I'm nice like that (plus it's not up to me). Wired News: Boring Game? Outsource It

BBC NEWS: A-level wait "threatens health"

2004-08-18T14:23:00.000+01:00

Goodness me, I wondered why I felt a little sick before getting my results [the article, contrary to the most obvious interpretation of the headline, is indeed about waiting for results]. Obviously this is a modern phenomenon which us vulnerable youngsters must be protected from (when we're not tanked up on cheap cider and beating up old grannies, of course). Perhaps the BBC, in all its public-service wisdom, should suggest that exams be banned? I mean, after all, we're all good people... at least as long as we pay the licence fee, of course. http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/uk_news/education/3570916.stm

Seinfeld and the DVD format meet at last

2004-08-18T11:08:00.000+01:00

No comment on this, except: SEINFELD IS COMING OUT ON DVD! [promptly faints from utter joy] Sony Pictures - Seinfeld -- spiffy According to the Radio Times' newsletter the UK version, with series 1-3, is coming out before the US version! With the specific date given being the 25th of October. I have genuinely never been so excited about a DVD release, although sadly Sony and Amazon don't appear to share my enthusiasm as I couldn't find details of the UK DVD release for love nor money (I offered both and they were rejected corporately). Nonetheless, I hereby proclaim the 25th of October, 2004 to be: SEINFELD DVD DAY Hurrah and huzzah. My teenage years can finally be laid to rest.

Prejudice justified!

2004-08-16T10:12:00.000+01:00

How often does a prejudice actually get scientific evidence in its favour? That is a question. Relevantly, I have only one prejudice: namism. This is an irrational filtering device which makes me think girls with certain names are always attractive, and though with certain other names are not. [There are names on which I am neutral and would therefore have to actually judge the lady in question on such criteria as looks, personality and whether she's run away yet]. And yet, this apparently-disgraceful form of discrimination could have an evolutionary basis: http://www.newscientist.com/news/news.jsp?id=ns99996271 which therefore makes it entirely sensible and ethical, obviously. Beauty is objective, I tell you! I will win this battle to persuade you. Unless you have a beautiful name, in which case I don't mind what you think, just so I can maximise my chances of my genes carrying on. You lucky thing.

The Peter-mill provides... and God eats it all up

2004-08-10T10:45:00.000+01:00

How does he do it? I'm starting to suspect that he has human intelligence and an internet connection. Here follows Friday's output, with my corruptions [bracketed], just like that:

Polos in the wind

2004-08-10T10:07:00.000+01:00

A matter of weeks before I was to write up the Polo page (with possible bonus blog to go with it), the Grauniad, that haven of socialism and typos, has already written up about possibly the biggest twist in the Nestle Polo's history so far ever in the world ever. They thoughtfully published what they'd written on the interweb, which allows me to give you the URL for this article. This URL follows the colon: http://media.guardian.co.uk/advertising/story/0,7492,1279547,00.html So Polos are 13.063% mintier? I can't say I've noticed a difference, except possibly a few months ago when I was convinced they tasted different and everyone else in the world ever disagreed. Investigations will commence as soon as I'm unempoloyed again [sic, sick, sick].

And here's the news... that is most unlikely to be on the front page of newspapers

2004-08-04T12:11:00.000+01:00

Evil Customers Classification System

2004-08-02T12:32:00.000+01:00

I can occasionally have a post about something I don't know anything about, right? Thanks for the permission, as though I needed it. Ah what luck! A subject I don't know anything about: evil restaurant-customers. I've never been a waiter, and if the Fates don't hate me, I will never be a waiter. This webpage acquits me of snobbery by detailing a number of different classes of evil customers; as a bonus it's funny and includes the tips you will receive from them (which unsurprisingly are usually very low). Now we just need something similar for evil checkout-customers... I'm sure I came up with five to ten types during my days as a Customer Assistant [a period which proved beyond doubt that the 17th year of life can not be classified as being amongst "the best days of your life"]. CUSTOMERS

Above average Feedback (a positive one, if it needs a sign)

2004-07-29T16:20:00.000+01:00

This week's Feedback column from New Scientist is even better than its usual goodness (and, lest we forget, wholesomeness), so must be blogged by the Fourth Law of Blogging: http://www.newscientist.com/opinion/opfeedback.jsp?id=ns245899 Not sure what the Fourth Law of Blogging is? Now, now... I'm sure one of the blogosphere elite could tell you what it was. Hmm, an idea: a questionnaire sent to the top ten bloggers of the net, asking them for "facts" about blogging which don't exist, eg. "Is it true that 'blog' comes from the Latin term 'blogum', which means 'to spout or blurt'?". Anyone want to do the dirty work? Or write this questionnaire and send it on?

And here's what to think (according to Peter) [updated due to Peter] (this is Peter's post in all but name)

2004-07-29T15:01:00.000+01:00

[Updated after Petrecomments were provided... Maybe it's even better than it was previously!But then again, maybe not. Care to bet?] The highly elusive [to you the general reader anyway, in general] Petre has provided excellent (or certainly blog-worthy) material, which I produce below with no qualms, and with no editing, and with no further comment [except that I did correct one spelling mistake -- don't worry Peter, it was non-significant using the chi-square test!] [Update: apparently there was yet another spelling mistake.. Although undoubtedly the p-value is commensurately lower, I'm still not sure it's less than 0.05]: http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/sci/tech/3930179.stm I particularly like the question: "What does it mean for the poor, disabled, the disadvantaged - people who are usually left out of the debate?" What are they on about? (Which is another question I like) In the article on how British debt has reach � trillion: In the Netherlands household debt is worth almost twice income, whereas in the UK it is substantially less. I like anything that mentions the Netherlands. Mainly for the picture, though the writing is somewhat interesting: http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/business/3935009.stm On a related note: http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/world/europe/3935669.stm Pies: http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/magazine/3934323.stm Harry and Economics: http://newsvote.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/business/3933609.stm http://newsvote.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/technology/3919635.stm http://newsvote.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/programmes/more_or_less/3933513.stm This may all be true, but it's so annoyingly written. Including: Before you were conceived, the probability of you ever existing was almost zero. After you were born, the probability was one - that is, it is a certainty. The thing to remember is that rare things happen all the time. The football effect? http://newsvote.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/education/3932805.stm http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/world/south_asia/3934117.stm http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/world/south_asia/3933485.stm http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/england/essex/3933979.stm http://newsvote.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/uk/3932687.stm [Update: Unadulterated blogtasticness! No need to edit it or other such banalities]

Providing links like a lynx who can provide links

2004-07-27T14:57:00.000+01:00

Polo news incoming!

2004-07-27T10:31:00.000+01:00

At last, a news story about a subject close to my heart. No, it's not an update on my lungs [though I promise that is coming soon]; rather, a court battle between the mighty Nestl� and, erm, everyone else who makes sweets has ended over whether the former can copyright the general Polo shape, so that they would be able to market life-belts. Or something like that. http://media.guardian.co.uk/marketingandpr/story/0,7494,1270006,00.html Of course they lost, because it's idiotic. Or as the judge (Lord Mummery, should you wish to give him a tip) said, to his eternal credit:

This is an appeal concerning Polos, the mint with the hole in the middle. This is an appeal with a hole in the middle. It is dismissed.

Genius. God Bless Queen and Country, hurrah and huzzah for the fine legal justice system of this country! Only kidding -- that sort of embarrassing-dad humour [which I'm polishing up on myself] from judges is a one-off (sorry for the link to a Mortal Enemy Publication). As for the poem mentioned in the article which features polos "in a context more sexual than confectionery", I managed to track it down: http://www.stevebrown.clara.net/html/duffy/adultery.htm. The reference is subtle, but the poem is good. And the birds are singing. Hurrah (redux)! A page about Polos (of the Holy Mints variety, natch) is forthcoming. On this site. Yes. It is.

Highly important news story, prefaced

2004-07-21T11:02:00.000+01:00

Oh goodness, Blogger have a new font-changing toolbar. All very exciting, I'm sure you'll agree. To celebrate this new new [sic] era, a very topical news story from the BBC (beep, beep, beeeeeep): http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/england/west_yorkshire/3909257.stm Glad to see my licence fee is being used wisely. In fact, in value-for-money terms, it'd probably be best if they just got rid of the expensive and unpopular politics section and stuck to the cheap (or should that be "cheep" in this case? Ah ha. Ah har. Har har. Yeah) and genuinely cheerful "human interest" stories, which by definition are interesting to humans! I think this strategy would work out well for them, not least because humans form the plurality of its audience. Oh, and then they could be privatised. That'd be nice.

MSN anywhere at last!

2004-07-15T18:03:00.000+01:00

Why is it so difficult to find the best things in life sometimes? Even the might of Google didn't help for a long time. Basically, the problem was simple: to be able to use MSN Messenger on my phone or on my desktop at work (the latter after-hours only, of course!). Simple, you'd think. In fact, I was sure Microsoft had already implemented a solution. But no, it wasn't to be; or if it was, they were hiding its existence very well. After signing up for MSN-Messenger-by-SMS, which is plainly both rubbish and potentially expensive (though this was hard enough to find on their site), I just knew that there has to be a way of accessing it by WAP or GPRS. And here it is: http://www.e-messenger.net/ Enjoy!

I'm psychoanalysed at last

2004-07-12T11:45:00.000+01:00

Yep, I'm doing this because I'm shy, sensitive to criticism and suffering from low self esteem. As though you didn't know already! I'm sure this study also explains why celebrities have homepages (including, lest I miss this opportunity to remind you, the inestimatable, legendary, and highly talented Alan Fletcher). Maybe I should initiate a study into why researchers are looking into the personalities of people who blog. I'm sure many research councils (and news organisations) would be highly interested in my findings. My hypothesis is that they're in desperate need of publicity, lack a social life, and eat worms. Any supporting data would be gladly received. What I'm talking about: http://www.theregister.co.uk/2004/07/09/homepage_owners_are_timid_creatures/

A hilarious story which, surprisingly enough, made me laugh

2004-07-09T11:59:00.000+01:00

A quote of the funniest lines in the article, which is a news item about, appropriately enough, the "thickest pirate in the world":

Martin also made a prediction that "this incident will become part of Trading Standards folklore". Yup, we reckon that's pretty well a certainty.

[Ooh, a blockquote!] Can you just smell the sarcasm? If not, make sure you put away all that cheese on your desk, some of which I know has been on there for pretty much years... Now can you smell the sarcasm? Nice, isn't it? The Register should receive some sort of prize. Preferably from the Daily Mail.

Guy's super-duper weblog, and its resurgence

2004-07-02T18:40:00.000+01:00

Now that I think I've truly tweaked this blog to near-perfection (apart from the actual content, which I might outsource), I should explain what's going on, and what it all means. If time is short though [and it is], I will only write about what the new gfreeman.co.uk system is, and what further improvements to the network I want to make. Firstly, let's start with this blog. It's now hosted on blogspot.com, for stability of URL and because it's just easier to separate out publication of this and the rest of gfreeman.co.uk [Official Best Site On The Net, apparently]. I admit that I didn't design the outlook from scratch like the last incarnation, but rather got an off-the-hook template and changed it a little. On the left are the profiles of the team (which currently consists of me/Guido and Peter/Petre, the latter waiting for the right moment to strike with an historically important comment) [if you want a little titillation, ladies who are heterosexual and gentlemen who aren't, click through to my profile, and enjoy the picture... all the ex's kept complimenting me on how "interesting" and "haggard" I looked, you understand], and below that are the useful lists of recent posts and archived posts, the all-important RSS feed, links to the other gfreeman.co.uk-endorsed sites, and pretty pictures which you can ignore. Further, apart from the fonts, colours and other superficial appearance characteristic (henceforth to be referred to as SACs) having changed, there's now a so-called Permalink to each post so another NTK-esque incident will now be permanently damaging to my health. At each of these Permalinks, a link to make comments is available, so use it! If you want to make comments, that is. Secondly, there is now a link to my other blog at stumbleupon.com, which is where I'll lyrically wax about funny pictures and opinion-provoking links from now on. Hence, this blog will be for serious pontificating, jokes, and possibly the occasional news on my personal life [though I hope to keep that to a minimum]. Do check out both of them, if only because I just asked you to. Clever, right? So they say. Lastly, but most importantly (certainly for the future) is the great-grandmother of it all, gfreeman.co.uk, which will have no broken links, has already been moved to a new host [aloofhosting.com, who seem surprisingly nice for a free host], and lots of fab content about subjects that have nothing to do with each other except that they're fab. In a good way. Much to look forward to. A new gfreeman.co.uk, a new Britain. Vote for Guy! And come back soon. Thank you. PS. If you've bought a gmail account off me recently, I hope you're happy with it. Googlemail kicks ass! And isn't too bad either.

A new era, a new host, a new blog look

2004-07-01T21:13:00.000+01:00

Now I'm not one to blow my own trumpet (though people will always allege otherwise), but what if the trumpet is someone else's? I still wouldn't blow it. But the point of all this is that, in case you haven't noticed, I would like to point out that I've completely changed how the blog looks (with a lot of help from Blogger, who just keep getting better and better), where it's hosted [on blogspot.com, which is also Blogger's], and best of all, the jokes will be funnier from now on. Honest. I've done my degree! Life can start again! I'm going to make an impact this time, I know it.

MediaGuardian.co.uk | Press&publishing | Journalists' self-righteous arrogance has gone too far

2004-05-18T21:55:00.000+01:00

This is one of the best media articles I've read for a very long time; in fact, it could be the best article ever published in a newspaper that I've ever read. Contrary to what you might think, I'm not talking about this posting [but only because it isn't being published in a newspaper], but rather the article that can be accessed by clicking on the link below... well, actually, you have to register for free first, so just make up some answers. MediaGuardian.co.uk | Press&publishing | Journalists' self-righteous arrogance has gone too far I've shared the opinion of the writer about this subject for at least 18months now, and I commend him for looking beyond his own self-interest to that of the public interest (although of course you could argue, correctly in my opinion, that anything he does is in his self-interest, but you know how I meant it, so take it that way). The problem is that the unions represented the opinions of a far smaller number of people, and their transgressions were (for now) rather more egregious. I don't think too much legislation needs to be written concerning the press, if only because of the dangers of censorship and other emergent properties of unaccountable government that could arise. Rather, I think the UK news media, especially the daily press, should really consider whether their current attitudes are bad for them in the long term, and if so change them for the better. In my humble opinion, the newspapers have lost much of the trust of the public, which is one reason why newspaper sales are in terminal decline. For their own sakes', journalistic and editorial ethics need to be improved forthwith.

Spy Blog: Heathrow robbery attempt is NOT the biggest in Britain

2004-05-18T19:36:00.000+01:00

Need I say more? No, not really. Spy Blog: Heathrow robbery attempt is NOT the biggest in Britain But that doesn't mean I don't want to, so I just have to say the following: maybe there should be a website that does this systematically? I wouldn't mind doing it, if there was a small income stream and a lot of people willing to help out. How about it, eh? This summer, yes. Good idea.

Everyone doing something important.. except, at the moment, me

2004-05-18T18:13:00.000+01:00

It's always good to know that news organisations are taking their job seriously by reporting only the most important stories: BBC NEWS | Middle East | Rabbis spark wig burning rumpus On the other hand [because most of the time, there is another hand], it's a little worrying that the rabbis don't just rule what is obvious, and ban all wigs that look like real hair, for the same reason that meat and milk can't be eaten at the same meal. Most modern Orthodox women in Israel wear hair-coverings, so why can't the ultra-Orthodox, who are supposed to be stricter? Religion is excellent! Shame I'm agnostic, which is easily the most boring approach to it all. Ah well, I'll make up for it somehow.

Newsnight laffs (highly untopical)

2004-04-29T18:09:00.000+01:00

I've said it before, and after the colon I'll say it again: the BBC Newsnight newsletter is a gem! By this I don't mean that it is a crystal that can be found in natural clusters, but rather that is excellent but unknown as such. Apart from the expected run-down of what's going to be on that night's edition of the current affairs show [which arguably is the only good one the BBC still has on terrestrial television, with the obvious exception of HIGNFY], it has Funny Stuff sent in be loving readers. And it's invariably brilliant, though rarely funny. Inspiring. Anyway, today's contribution is bloggable, so here it is: [Thanks David Noble! Whoever you are!] A magazine recently ran a "Dilbert quotes" contest. They were looking for people to submit quotes from their real-life Dilbert-type managers. Here are the top ten finalists: 1. "As of tomorrow, employees will only be able to access the building using individual security cards. Pictures will be taken next Wednesday and employees will receive their cards in two weeks." 2. "What I need is an exact list of specific unknown problems we might encounter." 3. "E-mail is not to be used to pass on information or data. It should be used only for company business." 4. "This project is so important, we can't let things that are more important interfere with it." 5. "Doing it right is no excuse for not meeting the schedule." 6. "No one will believe you solved this problem in one day! We've been working on it for months. Now, go act busy for a few weeks and I'll let you know when it's time to tell them." 7. Quote from the Boss: "Teamwork is a lot of people doing what I say." 8. My sister passed away and her funeral was scheduled for Monday. When I told my boss, he said she died on purpose so that I would have to miss work on the busiest day of the year. He then asked if we could change her burial to Friday. He said, "That would be better for me." 9. "We know that communication is a problem, but the company is not going to discuss it with the employees." 10. "One day my boss asked me to submit a status report to him concerning a project I was working on. I asked him if tomorrow would be soon enough. He said, "If I wanted it tomorrow, I would have waited until tomorrow to ask for it!"

Games (in the singular)

2004-04-29T17:26:00.000+01:00

Now I know you intellectualise too much. So, being a Nice Guy [and that's official] and one who suffers from the same condition, I plead with you to stop, and click on marbles instead. Of course, you're probably now asking, in your analytical style, "But I don't have any marbles!". I would normally point out that this isn't a question, but in my non-intellectual, marble-touching mode I won't, and instead endorse this game from Roxio that will allow you to fulfill your life goal, and, as required, click on marbles. I assume the next step is getting some physical marbles and touching them hourly, but as I'm not a guru in these matters I wouldn't know. Sorry about that. Best of luck.

Legal Battle Brews as Polo Gets Makeover

2004-04-29T16:29:00.000+01:00

An old, interesting, funny story, like all stories.. but worth blogging [except for storage purposes] because it mentions Polo. Unfortunately there is no reference to the Natural Polo Definition, that is, the Mint with a Hole; worse, the one chance for it to be mentioned is dismissed as the defendant in the case, a certain Mr. Collingridge from Woldingham (no relation) says that the word Polo is associated in the UK with the "King of Sports". Unless he's referring to the time-honoured tradition of throwing the Sacred Mints during rumbunctious Wine&Cheese Parties, he is wrong. The eedjit (allegedly). Legal Battle Brews as Polo Gets Makeover

Women are excellent

2004-04-25T00:09:00.000+01:00

A little self-indulgent, this, but this is my website and I'll party/cry if I want to: Do read the story of how the Oxford Women's pool team did at the The British Universities 8-Ball Pool Championships over Easter. It appears they did rather well! Go pool-ladies!

Fewer Workers, More Production

2004-04-16T20:49:00.000+01:00

Just for once, I won't introduce an interesting article by blathering on about something (at best) marginally relevant to it, but instead just leave you to click on it and read its sublime, obvious wisdom. Go proper capitalism! Fewer Workers, More Production [from the Ludwig von Mises Institute, a full-on "free market"-supporting thinktank. It's well worth signing up to their daily newsletter; who knows, you might even be convinced? But ultimately, who cares? Indeed]

Google blooper (nothing to do with 'Jew': that's too pass�

2004-04-14T01:51:00.000+01:00

Time is at a premium, and things I have to do aren't. As the laws of supply and demand not only exist but have no mercy in their application, this means I have sold on ebay all the time I have. Don't believe me? Then look at this non-doctored screenshot. Be warned: large file. Oh you've already clicked on the link. Updated warning: you will now visit another site out of boredom/anger/disappointment at low humanity can go.

MDMA / Ecstasy : Utopian Pharmacology (and how I got to it)

2004-04-04T23:06:00.000+01:00

Join stumbleupon.com immediately! The best webtool ever devised, apart from Google arguably! You'll never be bored on the net ever again... I can't even be bothered to explain what it is; you'll just have to trust me. For once. Go on! You won't regret it, really. Just a quick quote from a highly interesting stumbleuponed [sic] site (of course I'll always be puerile and instead of recommending this page on its philosophical greatness, will instead just give you a funny phrase from it. Arf! But then, I'm happier than you, so what do I care?): "Victims of the law-enforcement agencies frequently suffer long-term neuropathological changes"--http://www.mdma.net/index.html

Games, games, games! [In triplicate anything is right and proper]

2004-03-27T00:01:00.000Z

Ah, I am relaxed again! No, I didn't take narcotics (though that gives me an idea... mm polos), but rather played two games which you, yes you can also play, whose URLs are written down below. On some modern browsers, you should be able to click on the URLs themselves to go to what they Locate. Try it and see. [Of course, I should give credit where it's due (if only for legal reasons), so thank you .net mag for, apart from providing an excellent magazine and an always-readable newsletter (not least because it's not in HTML: keep it that way guys and girls! Yes, it seems less passionate, but it's safer, and the beauty more powerful), providing the links I pass on to the world in my .net-inspired kindness. Perhaps you'd like to feature my site in your newsletter now?] First up, yet another version of the genre of games dubbed 'pingu', but the best I've seen so far. Maybe I should create a page containing all publically-available pingu games? Maybe you should stop dreaming so much. Second up, [a bona fide, logically valid phrase that], a mildly diverting game from miniclip.com (though confusingly, .net haven't linked to the miniclip.com version. Goddamn you .net! God Damn you! Will you feature my site in your newsletter now?). Have fun kids.

"Shaun of the Dead" trailer, and tangential grievances aired

2004-03-26T23:00:00.000Z

So I've found one at last! Like a gazelle that is rare, this trailer of the first ever romzomcom film is, erm, rare. And beautiful. And goes very well with red or white one [any opinions on which goes better for either gazelle or trailer would be most welcome]. Took me so bloody long to blog the link though that I wonder why I bother sometimes. Bloody computers. I'm certainly not getting involved in any RSS or Wiki nonsense until they depend only on humans, because at least they're accountable. Of course I'm not a Luddite ["some of my best friend are computers"], but I am merely pointing out how rubbish computers are at so much. Maybe this wasn't tangential after all? Oh, it was. Ah well.

BBC - Derby - University - Design student makes a mint with Polo inspired pullover

2004-03-07T09:35:00.000Z

In preparation for the site overhaul, which will include a page on the godly Polo Mints, I found from my exhaustive research the following vignettes about them from, of all people, BBC Derby. Respect. Although the story is about a shirt apparently [though inexplicably and, to be honest, tangentially] inspired by (ommm!) Polos winning a competition. All very Local. Show the facts, Sam! OK, I'll do it: "The Polo mint is 54 years old this year [this was in 2002, so presumably it'll be 56 this year]. Two tonnes of polo mints are produced each hour in York at the Nestle factory. Two thirds of Polo purchasers are women whilst pensioners account for a quarter of all sales. Polos are an official Kosher food since Nestle replaced animal based steric acid with a vegetable version" They're good ones, aren't they? Now, just to salivate your appetite as only I [and your stomach(s)] know how, here is a no-doubt copyrighted picture of (praise be!) Polos [though the company I got this from charges �9.60 for one packet of (hubba hubba) Polos, so I'm going to rip them off too]:

Classic '80s Games [or not so classic, as it turns out]

2004-03-06T17:42:00.000Z

Remember all those brilliant games from your youth, or that of your parents, or your children, or your neighbour, or indeed your milkman? No, I'm not talking about Risk or Monopoly [if you used telepathy you'd have realised that without me having to tell you, thereby saving me valuable time! You're so selfish], or indeed the weekly joy of trying to cancel the order for oranges (is that right?), but rather about video games from the 80s, like Pacman, Space Invaders, Donkey Kong and the superb Asteroids. Well, you can utilise your space-age technology, capable of running complex games with photo-realistic graphics, to play these games again! Much like having a purely sexual affair with your first-ever girlfriend after meeting her again after a break of 20years whilst being married to a wonderful, clever, funny woman who loves discussing nuclear physics and existentialism. Continuing with this wholly inappropriate and shocking metaphor though, you soon find out that the sex is not as good as you remember it. I was going to write more, but for the first time in my life I've just realised how much I'm humiliating myself. Anyway, go away and play [or, perhaps, go and play away? No. No, I don't advocate that]. Classic '80s Games : Play Now! If you want. I'm not forcing you.

Symantec Security Response - Irish Virus hoax

2004-03-06T16:55:00.000Z

You hear nothing from me for almost two months, and then you realise there's cotton wool in your ears. Or it could just be that I didn't update the blog. You decide! Prizes to be decided on. In the meantime, chortle at the following Hoax Warning. Because it wasn't already obvious enough (tm). Symantec Security Response - Irish Virus hoax

Ask an expert : Question and its responses

2004-03-06T16:37:00.000Z

How did someone get away with this? And why did they publish it? And just how much did my middle-class mind boggle? Maybe this is just a dream?... Go on, click on the link! Otherwise how will you know what I'm talking about? Tsk. Then tell me if it's a dream at dream@gfreeman.co.uk. Thank you. Ask an expert : Question and its responses

Google Search: site:guardian.co.uk guradian

2004-03-06T16:30:00.000Z

Courtesy of the drunk people at NTK [redundant phrasage, I know]: searching on Google for web pages containing "guradian" -- from the Guardian website! Unsurprisingly, there are 5 'main' results. If only Google could search for factually incorrect pages on the Grauniad site! How useful that would be! It's good to be back.

Article: BBC NEWS | Science/Nature | Richer, stouter, and no happier

2004-01-09T17:55:00.000Z

Now I like to think I'm an intellectual who's tolerant of opposing views, and calm in the vanguard of a school of thought I disagree with. Then I read this utter rubbish [stronger words were not used only for family-viewing reasons, and not due to any misplaced scruples on my part]. I despair. If someone agrees with any of the 95% of it that is total nonsense and wants to take it up with me, I'm happy to do that. Otherwise I'm just wasting the time I could be using to consume. I mean, I have high time pressures, and my quality of life will be reduced if I spend any more time writing about it. So I won't. Actually, there is one more thing to say: what the hell is going on with the BBC?! I thought yesterday's poorly-headtitled "teenage views on higher fees" article [and no, that wasn't the headline! Clever monkey] was a major disappointment, but it's high-class journalism compared to this tosh. Of course, this so-called Worldwatch Institute is entitled to its views, and is further entitled to disseminate them; the question is whether the BBC was right to present them the way they did, or even at all. There was absolutely no come-back from someone clever that much of it is possibly just wrong, or at least highly contentious, as they should do with all publications (the supposed BBC ideal of neutrality should have made this obvious, I would've thought). But further, why publish the work of a clearly biased institute, and present it as some highly academic study with its findings absolute truths? Even an academic paper wouldn't get that privilege. Next they'll publish a report by the IHR showing the Holocaust didn't happen, and asking why the Jews are complaining so much. Of course, the headline would be "Jews mislead world over Holocaust incident: Alan Yentob suspended during investigation into Jewish background". I'm actually worried this isn't as unlikely as it seems at first. ARGH! Get rid of the licence fee already! Crying out loud.

Article: BBC NEWS | UK | Education | Fees message lost on teenagers

2004-01-08T20:41:00.000Z

Of course, when a media organisation at last decides to actually talk to the people a new policy will affect, instead of just staring at their own navels whilst "analysing" the political fallout, they have to be patronising. So when the BBC talked to a couple of smart 16-year-olds [actually, first point of contention: why make a conclusion only from talking to two people, as was done in this article? There was no survey done to back it up. Poor. And then to use it as a headline? Inexcusable, if unsurprising] who basically said that higher fees wouldn't put them off going to university, even though they are poor (in other words, they had each just given a counter-example to one of the anti-fees movement's loudest complaints, which is that working-class youths are too stupid to work out whether taking on a debt is worth it or not [you'd be surprised, if you're not from the UK, how much middle-class people undervalue working-class people, although of course they dress it up as liberal concern]), what do the BBC decide to use as a headlline? "Fees message lost on teenagers". Yes, ladies and gentlemen! We have here two teenagers, (one more than necessary to prove our point, as they're all the same!), who, as you suspected, are too pig-ignorant to understand what the hell is going on concerning fees! This shows all teenagers are too stupid to do anything! Why don't we make everything free, if only so they don't get confused? Of course, that way, it'll be too expensive to have too many university places, so these peasants won't marry our young Charlotte or Edward. Once you read the article, you realise it's not quite like that (although there are numerous blatant "out-of-context quotings" and "angles")... but from just reading the headline, most people will be misled. And the BBC's not supposed to stand for that. The article itself is a little biased, but no more than I'd have expected, so I won't rant about it. [Sigh]. At least they ran the piece, I guess.

FLY GUY

2004-01-05T21:25:00.000Z

Clich� alert! The weird and wonderful FLY GUY... the first term that comes up when you search for "guy" in Google. [Many thanks to Peter for finding out! Although I had to have the courage to click, he was the first to think of searching for such a common (but great) term].

Newsnight goodness

2004-01-05T17:22:00.000Z

I'm so glad I signed up for the Newsnight newsletter! As well as offering moderately interesting background information on what the programme's going to cover that evening, it also has some of the best jokes the internet has ever published. As befits a current-affairs programme, it's usually in the vanguard of any joke trend, publishing just-composed humour as it happens. Excellent USP. Re-pubished below by me is the Joke Extract from today's newsletter [the second one, of course.. the first one was actually the last one of 2003 mistakenly (I assume) sent again, in case you didn't understand what's going on]: So here is a list that caught our fancy from the Washington Post's Style section. They asked readers to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing one letter, and supply a new definition. Here are some of the winners: Intaxication: Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you realise it was your money to start with. Reintarnation: Coming back to life as a hillbilly. Foreploy: Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of getting laid. Giraffiti: Vandalism spray-painted very, very high. Sarchasm: The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn't get it. Inoculatte: To take coffee intravenously when you are running late. Hipatitis: Terminal coolness. Osteopornosis: A degenerate disease. (this one got extra credit) [whatever that means! It is the funniest one, along with the next one] Karmageddon: It's like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's like, a serious bummer. Glibido: All talk and no action. Dopeler effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly. And, the pick of the bunch, which possibly gets us back to the subject of Rumpology: Ignoranus: A person who's both stupid and an a******e [I added an asterisk because I'm sure Gavin Esler underestimated how many letters are in the actual word. Unless he's some expert in blasphemies and he was referring to a more obscure swear-word than the obvious one]. The author of all this excellence: <-- Mr. Gavin Esler! Possibly Esq. Totally underrated by the British public. Paxman should be quaking in his boots. More than usual.

Digital Spy - DS Awards 2003: winners announced!

2004-01-05T16:09:00.000Z

Well, how about this then? The Digital Spy 2003 Awards! Based as they are on the very democratic principle of asking its readers what they liked. My favourite media website just increased its standing in my view.

The funniest Christmas 2003 roundup

2003-12-23T21:00:00.000Z

This isn't it. Rather, this is. I have a lot of time for the Brains Trust, but not so much that I'm going to link to everything they do. They can do that themselves. But to that, I'll link. Oh, I just have. Well, I'll do it again. I have nothing better to do. As you're interested, my favourite part of it is "Stocking Fillers", during the reading of which I Laughed Out Loud, � la Brian Blessed. HELLO!

An interesting place indeed

2003-12-23T01:46:00.000Z

Now people who know me [and I would say hi, but neither of them talk to me any more] are aware that I complain all the time about, amongst other things, people going to boring countries for their holidays. People from the UK (ie. me) generally view Spain and France to be examples of "boring countries", in the sense that too many people go to them. [Erm, hopefully not circular logic]. Well, here's an idea for those of you that agree with me: Somakit! This island off the coast of Alaska has been liberalising over the last few years, and now has a website on the internet, which, unsurprisingly, I have linked to. Go and read its travel guide and history especially! It sounds like a fascinating place. Does anyone know someone who's already been there? Are you, maybe, one of the first people to have travelled there?! So there you go: there is still somewhere truly exotic and mysterious in this day and age! Doesn't that warm the cockles of your heart? Don't answer that.