Wednesday, April 23, 2003

Well, it's been a while, hasn't it? Apologies to anyone who cares (and you shouldn't really, if you do). I'm sure you'd love to know why I took, essentially, a week-long break from updating this, my public stream of consciousness, on which my international reputation lies. Truth be told: I became lethargic, lackadaisical, LAZY. Gradually, I am coming to the end of this Easter holiday which has allowed me to not go to lectures relevant to my course, as there are none. You could argue [and knowing you, you probably are arguing] that the very fact that I'm on a sort-of sabbatical from studying gives me the very time I need to update my weblog regularly and to a satisfactory quality. But in fact, you'd be wrong -- and not for the first time. Whilst I do indeed have more time that could be spent on this weblog, I do not have the motivation. This is nothing to do with the weblog: I simply don't have the motivation on a general level to do anything much apart from sleep, eat, drink, read, and play Baldur's Gate 2. This is not as idyllic as it sounds, given that, notwithstanding the increased risk of obesity this engenders, this state of affairs reduces me to an unproductive slob. In this capitalist, consumerist society in which we live (and which I support wholeheartedly, at least with respect to its capitalist and consumerist character), this is not going a Good Idea. And means I don't update my weblog with this new verbal diarrhoea, so you have to read my old verbal diarrhoea instead. Which is a Bad Thing.
So without further adieu, the latest titbits (or as the Americans tend to call it, perhaps for fear of being sued for sexual harrassment, tidbits)! Although by "latest", I include all tidings that I have received over the last week that are suitable and practical weblog material. But you probably already knew that, and can't stand it when I'm pedantic like that. Don't worry: it's a joke.
So NOW without further adieu!: First off, a blog recommended by Peter, which although not aspirational, is funny for at least 3 seconds (and is therefore superior to mine), is the dullest blog in the world. Literally. But not really. Because mine is. Still worth a look, if only to contemplate whether the rest of the time the author is actually doing something interesting, but just not saying.
Next up is a philosophical oddity that is also a cult, and is the first ever entity that has made me wonder if it's known to everyone on the planet, except me. Like a really famous "Kick Me" sign. You've guessed it! It's the Really Big Button That Doesn't Do Anything! Which is a bit of lie, because it's made people talk about it and link to it. A wonderful parody of media commentators and the human urge to analyse and extrapolate. Or is it just a stupid joke that's grown out of all proportion? Answer me, goddamnyou! Especially all the Finnish visitors (see last post).
How about taking a break at this moment, for a moment? That's right. Now that you're relaxed (and not [possibly further] injured in some way), why don't you take this intelligence test? Go on, it's just a bit of fun. Shouldn't take long. I worked it out in only three seconds. If it takes you more than sixty seconds, don't worry: just write to me, and I'll tell you the answer. And possibly laugh a little -- though not too much, as I don't want a bad back.
If a dull weblog just isn't dull enough, and maybe even caused you to die of excessive excitement, I recommend you pay the Dull Men's Club (which I also believe is open to women, pets and rocks, but not salt containers) a [not-too] hasty visit. This site is so dull I almost became serene. But not quite. Still had a "mortal moment" though. Phew.
Someone else who's probably having a real mortal moment is Mohammed Saeed al-Sahaf, better known as the former Minister of Information for Al Jumhuriyah al Iraqiyah ["the Republic of Iraq" in Arabic, trivia fans!]. I guess he must still be the Minister of Information, as who would fire him? Who would dare to? This person's fantasist tendencies, displayed during press conferences, makes him Seinfeldesqe, ie. extremely amusing. If you agree, declare it: "We LOVE The Iraqi Information Minister"! If not: what are you like? Let's just hope he didn't torture anyone, as that would make him extremely UNfunny. And I don't mean by that he'd become yet another United Nations agency (UNFAIR, anyone?).
Louis has come up trumps (but not from the now-ubiquitous "Iraq cards" being sold via spam, sorry, I mean, Direct Electronic Methods) with another homage [silent 'h'] to, as it puts it here, El Ministro Saeed al Sahaf. Yes, the aforementioned (possibly ex-) Minister of Information. This particular eulogy is a T-shirt of good quality (at least I assume so under the UK's Consumer Protection Acts), which is adorned with a picture of his face (complete with beret and fashionable glasses) and the quote "We Are In Control", all displayed in a pseudo-military style. Sublime. If someone wants to donate �15, I will spend it on one of these shirts, and put up a photo of me wearing it! That should encourage you! (You at the back, stop coughing so loudly). Oh, have it your way, I'll show you its slogan without my having modelled it. Your loss I say!

Loads more stuff to write, but I think I'll do that this weekend. This lot should keep you going for at least a nanosecond though, by the laws of physics.


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