One third of Americans haven't evolved, yet aren't much Godly either

[Sadly, my ability to not be incompetent has not evolved, because I still am incompetent. I didn't realise Petre had already posted this story, and many others besides, before I did. Ho hum. I guess I'll just go hibernate again until Judgement Day, when presumably some Heavenly Judges will evolve from amoeba, the (proportionately) most intelligent organisms on this Goddamn planet, and make me a prince of a small Indian province]. Like a phoenix rising from cigarette ashes, I am overcoming my justifiably legendary inertia to actually blog something. I knew at least Petre would find it highly amusing, so that would make it worth it. It could be so amusing he'll die, but it's worth taking the risk. Given that I'm like a phoenix, we should consider how it evolved. Inspired by Richard Dawkins, I have to admit that there is clearly no plausible explanation bar that a cow developed a backpack, mated with lots of birds [something I should try doing some time, for scientific reasons of course] and became cigarette ash. From which a phoenix emerged. A more beautiful and technically correct theory you'd be hard put to find. Unless you believe God created humans 10,000 years ago. Now clearly you don't, because then you'd be a raving fool [as well as a bore: if you're going to scramble for unobservable, supernatural reasons for Earthly happenings at least go for something interesting. What's wrong with the theory I set out in the second paragraph? You ungrateful zealot. You probably want to abolish all taxes but you still read this for free! Yes]. We all know there are very few raving fools in the world (at least those of us who aren't raving fools do), so when we read a large proportion of Americans are raving fools, we can feel nothing but anger, pain and cow/pheonix manure at Gallup, the previously highly-reputable polling company that released this 'finding'. A totally disgraceful attempt to manipulate the good people of the Occident. Ban them, I say! Ban theeeeeeeem! I thank you for your time. [When I said I'd sort out my website by November I meant an arbitrary November sometime during the course of time. Generalising is so much fun (in general). But I hope to do it by November 2005. I further hope that hope alone will sort my site out; I think this is as likely as the theory I proposed on the evolution of the pheonix, and is therefore foolproof (unless you're a raving fool). Watch this space, and ignore the advertisements.]