Thursday, April 29, 2004

Newsnight laffs (highly untopical)

I've said it before, and after the colon I'll say it again: the BBC Newsnight newsletter is a gem! By this I don't mean that it is a crystal that can be found in natural clusters, but rather that is excellent but unknown as such. Apart from the expected run-down of what's going to be on that night's edition of the current affairs show [which arguably is the only good one the BBC still has on terrestrial television, with the obvious exception of HIGNFY], it has Funny Stuff sent in be loving readers. And it's invariably brilliant, though rarely funny. Inspiring. Anyway, today's contribution is bloggable, so here it is: [Thanks David Noble! Whoever you are!] A magazine recently ran a "Dilbert quotes" contest. They were looking for people to submit quotes from their real-life Dilbert-type managers. Here are the top ten finalists: 1. "As of tomorrow, employees will only be able to access the building using individual security cards. Pictures will be taken next Wednesday and employees will receive their cards in two weeks." 2. "What I need is an exact list of specific unknown problems we might encounter." 3. "E-mail is not to be used to pass on information or data. It should be used only for company business." 4. "This project is so important, we can't let things that are more important interfere with it." 5. "Doing it right is no excuse for not meeting the schedule." 6. "No one will believe you solved this problem in one day! We've been working on it for months. Now, go act busy for a few weeks and I'll let you know when it's time to tell them." 7. Quote from the Boss: "Teamwork is a lot of people doing what I say." 8. My sister passed away and her funeral was scheduled for Monday. When I told my boss, he said she died on purpose so that I would have to miss work on the busiest day of the year. He then asked if we could change her burial to Friday. He said, "That would be better for me." 9. "We know that communication is a problem, but the company is not going to discuss it with the employees." 10. "One day my boss asked me to submit a status report to him concerning a project I was working on. I asked him if tomorrow would be soon enough. He said, "If I wanted it tomorrow, I would have waited until tomorrow to ask for it!"

Games (in the singular)

Now I know you intellectualise too much. So, being a Nice Guy [and that's official] and one who suffers from the same condition, I plead with you to stop, and click on marbles instead. Of course, you're probably now asking, in your analytical style, "But I don't have any marbles!". I would normally point out that this isn't a question, but in my non-intellectual, marble-touching mode I won't, and instead endorse this game from Roxio that will allow you to fulfill your life goal, and, as required, click on marbles. I assume the next step is getting some physical marbles and touching them hourly, but as I'm not a guru in these matters I wouldn't know. Sorry about that. Best of luck.

Legal Battle Brews as Polo Gets Makeover

An old, interesting, funny story, like all stories.. but worth blogging [except for storage purposes] because it mentions Polo. Unfortunately there is no reference to the Natural Polo Definition, that is, the Mint with a Hole; worse, the one chance for it to be mentioned is dismissed as the defendant in the case, a certain Mr. Collingridge from Woldingham (no relation) says that the word Polo is associated in the UK with the "King of Sports". Unless he's referring to the time-honoured tradition of throwing the Sacred Mints during rumbunctious Wine&Cheese Parties, he is wrong. The eedjit (allegedly). Legal Battle Brews as Polo Gets Makeover

Sunday, April 25, 2004

Women are excellent

A little self-indulgent, this, but this is my website and I'll party/cry if I want to: Do read the story of how the Oxford Women's pool team did at the The British Universities 8-Ball Pool Championships over Easter. It appears they did rather well! Go pool-ladies!

Friday, April 16, 2004

Fewer Workers, More Production

Just for once, I won't introduce an interesting article by blathering on about something (at best) marginally relevant to it, but instead just leave you to click on it and read its sublime, obvious wisdom. Go proper capitalism! Fewer Workers, More Production [from the Ludwig von Mises Institute, a full-on "free market"-supporting thinktank. It's well worth signing up to their daily newsletter; who knows, you might even be convinced? But ultimately, who cares? Indeed]

Wednesday, April 14, 2004

Google blooper (nothing to do with 'Jew': that's too pass´┐Ż

Time is at a premium, and things I have to do aren't. As the laws of supply and demand not only exist but have no mercy in their application, this means I have sold on ebay all the time I have. Don't believe me? Then look at this non-doctored screenshot. Be warned: large file. Oh you've already clicked on the link. Updated warning: you will now visit another site out of boredom/anger/disappointment at low humanity can go.

Sunday, April 04, 2004

MDMA / Ecstasy : Utopian Pharmacology (and how I got to it)

Join immediately! The best webtool ever devised, apart from Google arguably! You'll never be bored on the net ever again... I can't even be bothered to explain what it is; you'll just have to trust me. For once. Go on! You won't regret it, really. Just a quick quote from a highly interesting stumbleuponed [sic] site (of course I'll always be puerile and instead of recommending this page on its philosophical greatness, will instead just give you a funny phrase from it. Arf! But then, I'm happier than you, so what do I care?): "Victims of the law-enforcement agencies frequently suffer long-term neuropathological changes"--