Wednesday, August 25, 2004

Virtual capitalism

Outsourcing works! Hard-working immigrants are despised by ignorant and malicious natives! Almost everyone benefits, and those who don't claim the new system is unfair! All this is proven from the experiment that is Massively Multi-Player Online Role-Playing Games. Humans are really fascinating stuff, aren't they? I'd write more, except I'm supposed to be doing a job at the moment, and I don't think this is part of it. Apparently we have to do what we're told when we're "on the job". Damned. But I'll let you read the article, because I'm nice like that (plus it's not up to me). Wired News: Boring Game? Outsource It

Wednesday, August 18, 2004

BBC NEWS: A-level wait "threatens health"

Goodness me, I wondered why I felt a little sick before getting my results [the article, contrary to the most obvious interpretation of the headline, is indeed about waiting for results]. Obviously this is a modern phenomenon which us vulnerable youngsters must be protected from (when we're not tanked up on cheap cider and beating up old grannies, of course). Perhaps the BBC, in all its public-service wisdom, should suggest that exams be banned? I mean, after all, we're all good people... at least as long as we pay the licence fee, of course.

Seinfeld and the DVD format meet at last

No comment on this, except: SEINFELD IS COMING OUT ON DVD! [promptly faints from utter joy] Sony Pictures - Seinfeld -- spiffy According to the Radio Times' newsletter the UK version, with series 1-3, is coming out before the US version! With the specific date given being the 25th of October. I have genuinely never been so excited about a DVD release, although sadly Sony and Amazon don't appear to share my enthusiasm as I couldn't find details of the UK DVD release for love nor money (I offered both and they were rejected corporately). Nonetheless, I hereby proclaim the 25th of October, 2004 to be: SEINFELD DVD DAY Hurrah and huzzah. My teenage years can finally be laid to rest.

Monday, August 16, 2004

Prejudice justified!

How often does a prejudice actually get scientific evidence in its favour? That is a question. Relevantly, I have only one prejudice: namism. This is an irrational filtering device which makes me think girls with certain names are always attractive, and though with certain other names are not. [There are names on which I am neutral and would therefore have to actually judge the lady in question on such criteria as looks, personality and whether she's run away yet]. And yet, this apparently-disgraceful form of discrimination could have an evolutionary basis: which therefore makes it entirely sensible and ethical, obviously. Beauty is objective, I tell you! I will win this battle to persuade you. Unless you have a beautiful name, in which case I don't mind what you think, just so I can maximise my chances of my genes carrying on. You lucky thing.

Tuesday, August 10, 2004

The Peter-mill provides... and God eats it all up

How does he do it? I'm starting to suspect that he has human intelligence and an internet connection. Here follows Friday's output, with my corruptions [bracketed], just like that: Innovation? A victim of their own success: Only the homeless, students and housewives (or husbands) blameless: This story has been going for ages and always has the same picture: And old and ugly version: [which includes the hilarious quote "The fact is that 90% of killers have eaten bread before their crime. Should we therefore ban bread?" YES! OBVIOUSLY! And other common substances too] Yay me (except for Holland essentially speaking English): Racism and Clowns: They tried to make this story interesting: If I can't find a Ph.D. (the I still won't do this): He was scared of his job killing knives? (a poor joke in worst taste) Good picture of a middle east city:

Polos in the wind

A matter of weeks before I was to write up the Polo page (with possible bonus blog to go with it), the Grauniad, that haven of socialism and typos, has already written up about possibly the biggest twist in the Nestle Polo's history so far ever in the world ever. They thoughtfully published what they'd written on the interweb, which allows me to give you the URL for this article. This URL follows the colon:,7492,1279547,00.html So Polos are 13.063% mintier? I can't say I've noticed a difference, except possibly a few months ago when I was convinced they tasted different and everyone else in the world ever disagreed. Investigations will commence as soon as I'm unempoloyed again [sic, sick, sick].

Wednesday, August 04, 2004

And here's the news... that is most unlikely to be on the front page of newspapers

More stories to emerge from the Petre/BBC News interface: which all kind of proves emergence, really. I think. [Therefore I am emergent].

Monday, August 02, 2004

Evil Customers Classification System

I can occasionally have a post about something I don't know anything about, right? Thanks for the permission, as though I needed it. Ah what luck! A subject I don't know anything about: evil restaurant-customers. I've never been a waiter, and if the Fates don't hate me, I will never be a waiter. This webpage acquits me of snobbery by detailing a number of different classes of evil customers; as a bonus it's funny and includes the tips you will receive from them (which unsurprisingly are usually very low). Now we just need something similar for evil checkout-customers... I'm sure I came up with five to ten types during my days as a Customer Assistant [a period which proved beyond doubt that the 17th year of life can not be classified as being amongst "the best days of your life"]. CUSTOMERS